Old and new

I'm sitting here, drinking stronger than usual coffee, and thinking about the year that will end tonight. Some was good, some wasn't, but in retrospective I wouldn't want to miss any of it - neither the fun nor the lessons - and I am glad I was here.

But what about the upcoming year? I am not a fan of New Year Resolutions, however I like to take the opportunity to revisit my plans. This time they include: Getting my manuscript published successfully, losing those surplus kilograms and making our flat a comfortable home - finally! I hope to even have a real kitchen by the end of 2011...

And I have a wish, one that is close to my heart and will need lots of work... I want to have more time and opportunity and the right people to be myself around. Without censoring or modificating, without having to choose which part of myself is "the most presentable". I am really, *really* good at adjusting to people and situations, but I am tired of it, and I want to find a way to simply be myself without the others getting lost (or offended) on the way.

But now it's time to get everything ready for tonight's "Dinner for one"...

Quick family update

I checked, and I guess I haven't given the family update. My Dad is out of hospital for the moment, and he will return for surgery around 2011/01/10 (prostatectomy). When we talked on the phone on Christmas Day, he seemed to be well. A bit grumpy perhaps, because there's no denying anymore that he's OLD. But then, he has four grandchildren and one great-grandson. If that didn't give him a clue...

(By the way, he is 64. My oldest sister started reproducing early, and her son followed the tradition.)

Putty magic

In several spell books I have encountered the request for colored wax to make symbols to boost the spell. Now, colored wax can be hard to come by - over the years I have encountered difficulties finding colored candles which were not only white candles with a colored coat (which work for spells but are less fantastic when using the way to form shapes). Of course it is possible to color the wax yourself, but who has the time to do so?

Especially when we can find everything we need at the store.



This box cost me around three bucks.




See? It contains every color we need (except maybe for black - and I hope I will not need black in the near future), stored away and ready for use. Of course it is possible to make your own putty, and there are loads of recipes on the internet (even for edible putty - important when working with young children, not only in magic), and my younger sister assured me it's not the least bit expensive. However, I am lazy and bought this batch.

The good thing about putty, unless you mix it with herbs or oils, is that the spell symbols can be destroyed if you want to release the energy from the spell, and the putty can be re-used (don't forget to "clean" it - in a bowel of hematite or, wrapped in plastic, in a bowl of salt or swimming in salt water). I guess it is also possible to add crystals to the putty for a spell and remove them later, thus adding strength to the spell without making the putty useless for further uses.




Okay, now who can guess what this spell is going to be about?




Right. I wanted to make a permanent spell (one to remain on my altar) to strengthen my relationship with the BF. And I have to admit that, in the stone ages, I would surely have been a famous artist. It's my luck spelling does not call for beautiful symbols, but "only" for ones made with intention. Therefore, while making the dolls, I thought about the person it was to represent.




This does not need further comment, I guess.




Finally, I made a ring from the colors which, to me, represent passion, romance and love. (I can't help myself, true love for me has always been green. It also happens to be the BF's and my favorite color, and is the color I "see" when I think about him.) In this special spell, the size of the ring is important - I wanted to give both of us some breathing space and stay close at the same time. Make the ring too narrow, and the relationship might become suffocating. (I am making this up as I go, but never mind. My brain is very reliable when it comes to spells. Except for that one time when our house caught fire, or the time I ended up with a stalker. Well, uhm... Trust me.)

The spell went on my altar, in a special place, where it will gain energy every time I light the candles.

Putty might also be useful to create god/goddess symbols for special rituals, if you don't have a specific statue/symbol for the god/goddess you'd like to work with.

The spider dream

I am close to being arachnophobic. Spiders are fascinating animals, and I love watching them on TV or in zoos, but up close they give me the creeps.

Last night when I went into the bedroom, there was a spider dangling from the ceiling RIGHT OVER MY BED. And as I was looking, it dropped on my bed and scuttled away, too fast for me to flatten it.

You see, I have this spider agreement - I'll leave them in peace outside, but in the flat they're - well, flat.

So I knew there was a spider somewhere under my bed, roughly the size of a 2€ coin. What to do? Freak out? Sleep in one of the other beds? Demolish the bedroom in search of the spider?

Scientists claim that
a) arachnophobia may be a relict from a time when there were spiders the size of a pony living on earth (sorry, I can't find the article right now, but I remember reading it and going, "Okay...") and
b) children learn arachnophobia from watching their parents.
See? I have to get rid of that irrational fear. There aren't even any dangerous spiders in this part of Europe.

I went to bed, and I had a dream. I was sitting in a cave, and a huge spider was sitting on the other side of a fire, between me and the entrance. I asked it, "Why am I so afraid of you?" And it answered, "Why do you hate us so much?"

I don't remember much after that, but it was not a nightmare. When I awoke this morning, I decided that there will be no more being afraid of spiders for me. Or at least I will try.

Today will include baking, cooking, sewing, having coffee in front of the computer watching strange movies and a hot, chocolate-flavored bath. And I will not look for spiders.

Christmas Eve Dinner

There are certain things the BF does not like to eat. The holiday weekend is my oportunity to try out new recipes he would possibly not like. This is one of them.



Mango-Chicken-Toast

Ingredients:
2 slices of wholewheat toast
1 chicken breast, sliced
1/2 mango
A few leaves of lettuce
2 tablespoons of sour cream
1 teaspoon of orange marmalade
A tiny bit of yellow curry paste
Salt and pepper

Fry the chicken in a pan without oil. (If your pan is not fit for this, add a tiny bit of oil.)

Toast the toast.

Mix sour cream, marmalade and curry paste together. Add salt and pepper.

Cut the mango into pieces. (BTW, is there a way to cut a mango that is not messy?)

Spread the sour cream mix on the warm toast. Layer mango pieces and lettuce on top. Finish with fried chicken.

Enjoy.

^^

Catmas

See? I promised you pictures. Actually, the ornaments are all silver and white (we compromised - the BF wanted green, purple and silver, I wanted red and gold... now the tree is all in winter colors, except for the colored LEDs the BF bought for me that look so much better on the tree than they would in my window). I put twelve slices of dried orange in the tree, to represent the coming months - and because I like the smell. ^^

The wild nights

In Germany, there are still customs related to the "wild nights". In fact, legends have it that the twelve nights following the 21st of December are filled with ghosts and wild spirits. It is not allowed to hang up laundry, and you best leave some food or a saucer filled with milk by the back door for good luck. From region to region, there are varying traditions as to the beginning of the "wild nights" and the number of nights, but usually they either start on the longest night of the year or on Christmas eve and go on for 12 or 13 nights thereafter.

There is some similarity to the twelve days of Christmas.

The word for this is "Rauhnächte", with "rauh" being an old word meaning "wild" or "hairy" (today it's "rough"). It is said that Odin/Wodan are flying through the air in horseback, clad in fur, followed by wild warriors, looking for the dead and all up for trouble.

Of course there are many magical traditions for the "wild nights", involving telling stories, meeting friends and family for celebration and ritual, the Yule log and, of course - oracles. You will also find traditions of ritual cleansing (e.g. of stables) or wearing hideous masks to scare away the ghosts, although these traditions are dying, even in rural areas.

I like the wild nights. I try to go out every day, around dusk, and watch darkness take over the world. I put out food for the wild animals and leave some milk or part of dinner out for the spirits. If possible, I meet friends (some of them of the witchy kind) and we are merry, talking and enjoying the good things in life.

My sister, in some years, puts rune nuts on her Yule tree. For this, she takes empty walnut shells, sprays them gold, puts a piece of paper with a rune inside and glues them together. Every visitor chooses a nut, and the rune inside is their personal guide for the coming year. I did not have the time to make my own rune nuts this year, but I like the tradition, and may add it to ours in the coming years. (I wouldn't even know where my own rune set is right now, there's still chaos from our moving in together - 10 months ago!)

Personally, I like to spend some time with meditation and using the tarot, looking for adventures for the coming year. This is a time of rest, I don't do magic. Everything is about examining what was and what will be. And resting, and having fun.

Concerning more mundane aspects, the BF has left to spend the holidays with his family, and he will be back on Monday. He took the entertainment center with him, but I am looking forward to watching movies on the notebook and lying on the couch reading. The cats will keep me company, and they enjoy having someone to pester. I may share pics. (Yes, I know I said that before. But now I have the time to take some.)

Have a magic holiday, and enjoy the wild nights!

That's what I get for thinking on less than 6 hours of sleep. ^^

Okay, I think I have to correct myself with regards to my last post. At least a little bit. I'll try shorter sentences this time, as to not confuse myself.

I think that you can still love yourself even if you weigh 400lbs.
I think that it is not necessary to have a certain "ideal" weight/body shape/height/eye color to love yourself.
I think that, still, people should make an effort to live in a healthy way and improve themselves to get closer to their "natural" self.
I think it is possible to love yourself (and love being yourself) and still feel the need to change certain aspects.
I think that Pagans/Witches who feel bad about themselves because they are overweight or the like do not, in addition, have to feel bad about themselves because they feel bad about themselves.

This last thought was possible what caused my sleepy brain to rush off in that strange direction, where the things I thought I though were not my real thoughts... ^^

I did not mean to tell overweight or obese people off (you remember, after all I am far from being fairy-slim myself... I'm more dwarf-shaped - minus the beard ^^). My whole family is obese, and they are great people and they are happy most of the time (and surely not less than people with a healthy weight), and my sisters love themselves and one is a great witch and I have to say I sometimes envy them for their ability to be themselves. I was not trying to tell you that if you were not model-sized and still feeling good about yourself, you are a fairytale creature. And everything I wrote was written because I love the people I've met online - you are great and I want you to be the best you can be and feel good about yourselves.

And now I will shut myself up and grab some coffee. ^^

I Love Myself, or: The Big Lie

An important part of most flavors of Pagan/Witchy belief is that we are supposed to accept and love ourselves and have fun.

Sounds like a good idea.

BUT... this is no excuse to let your body deteriorate, stuff yourself with crap and put all that excessive weight on your joints. And I don't think there is a way to feel good about yourself while abusing your body. Everybody who claims that with a BMI way above 40 he or she is feeling good and healthy and sexy - is lying. To all the others and to him-/herself.

From several people, and not only witchy ones, I have heard that they were not happy with their body, and - that they felt bad because of that. You know, everywhere they are proclaiming how it is ridiculous and unhealthy to pine for some unnaturally slim ideal, and how much better it is to accept one's own body and enjoy. But at the same time, how should it be possible to enjoy oneself when one is so far from one's original design - the way we were intended to be?

Loving yourself is not about treating yourself as unimportant. Loving yourself is not about, "I am that fat chick and that is great". Loving yourself is all about making peace with who you are and taking care of yourself.

As the next calendar year approaches, all over the place people will be making resolutions. And dieting is among the top 5 of the list. Statistics show that most of these resolutions are forgotten after the first few weeks, and people go on with their old life and think, "But next year..." Don't wait for that 2011/01/01. Start now, right before the family celebrations. Change things slowly or at a faster paste. Find your own ways. Experiment. The worst thing you can do is - nothing.

You know, if you've read along for some time, (and if not I will tell you now) that I have been trying to change my life and loose some weight for quite some time. So far, since summer I have lost 10 pounds and am currently stuck (which, considering my past tendency to gain up to 12 pounds during the pre-holiday weeks, I still count as a success). I don't intend on giving up, and I haven't found the magic cure yet.

All I know is that if I live healthier, my body will feel better, my mood will improve and my energy levels will skyrocket. I haven't sworn of cake or cookies or crisps for the rest of my life, but I have reduced the amounts and make sure the food I put in my mouth is of better quality and better for my health.

And now I am asking you to educate yourself on your body and to go out there and find the best possible way of living for yourself.

You're overweight or obese? Find ways to eat healthier (and less).

You're underweight? Find ways to care more about yourself, and take care of your body.

You're in the ideal BMI range, but don't have the stamina to go hiking for a day? Find some kind of exercise you enjoy.

You have some nasty habit (smoking, drinking, tons of crappy food)? Kick it.

You're bored with everything? Play, be surprised, enjoy yourself.

This is not about following some beauty ideal imposed on us by the media. It is all about taking responsibility for our lives. You've been given this life and this body, and you are supposed to make the best of it. It doesn't matter if you're 18 or 80 or if you're ill... try to live your life as good as possible - and don't forget to have fun!

And winter came

Technically, it's been friggin' cold around here for quite some time.

Theoretically, winter came today. I've seen him.

The day was really strange, in many ways. Towards the afternoon I felt all frayed and dragged out over too much of everything. I performed the most basic tasks, then went home, took care of some minor family problem and went out. I had a big packet of bird food in a bag, along with the letters I meant to post.

Everything was white, and below the tumult of voices in my head (all my own) I could hear the snow crunching beneath my feet and the dripping of molten snow falling from the branches. There were only a few people outside, and I took the time to concentrate on my feet. The way they connect to the ground. How they change their place with every step. The fact that they carry me around.

I started to calm down eventually. Letters gone, I resumed my way towards the forest. As a kid, I was never afraid of the forest, went there day or night, no second thought. Ever since I started living in a bigger town, this has changed. I was very aware of my surroundings as the trees came closer.

The snow-laden branches formed a gate over the path. I entered. The lights were left behind.

And suddenly I knew I wasn't alone. I took a turn to the right, fastened the ball of bird seed and fat to a branch a few steps off the path, then waited.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw winter. He was a tall man with dark clothes and his face painted black with charcoal. When I turned my head to directly look at him - nothing. Empty path, empty forest. Turn the head away again, and he was smiling at me. White teeth in a dark face. A fighter, a hunter. Only his hat gave him away, made of somewhat lighter material. He was hunting.

I invoked my own protection bubble. Snow started falling off the branches above me. I returned to the lights, with the feeling of someone watching my back as I walked away. Small avalanches accompanied me until I had returned to modern civilization.

Things I realized on my way:
* Winter was hard on the people living here before us. Modern Pagans will talk of winter as a time for rest and peace and meditation, but in earlier times it was about survival. Winter was quiet, maybe, but far from peaceful. I know, I've met him.
* Following outtrodden paths may appear easier at first, but it's also easier to slip on the ice, and every part of your way is defined by others. Going your own way may be more difficult, but it's the only way to leave a visible path, and you'll walk much more firmly. This accounts for snow AND for life.

Next, I will light a candle and have some hot tea. And dream.

Going through winter - birds

Since we've already had more snow for December than during the last fifteen years (or something), and since tonight is Yule and winter is about to begin, I thought I'd share a few things about going through winter safely, and not just for us, but also for those around us.

In this post, back in August, I talked about feeding wild birds. Back then it was not very important, but if you consider feeding our feathery friends, you might want to go there for some information on what kind of bird food to choose.

Okay, you don't have to hop back, I'll summarize:
* Bird seeds (not too expensive, many variations, should be available everywhere).
* Oatmeal.
* Fruit and vegetables, cut into pieces.
* Nuts, for example on strings.
* Do NOT feed bread. (For the reasons, you will have to return to the old post. Or trust me. (I'd recommend reading the old post. Never trust me.))

As for how and where to feed them, of course I have some ideas as well:
* I only feed birds once there's snow outside, making it very difficult for them to find sufficient food on their own. (May sound cruel, but if you feed birds all through the year, you may enable diseased birds to survive, thereby helping spread the disease through your local bird population.)
* For the same reason, if you put seed on the ground (which is okay in small amounts - if you put too much in one spot, it won't be eaten all at once, and may go bad), don't use the same spot over and over again. Birds are not very neat, and they drop their - well, droppings where they eat. Infection spreading and all that.
* Putting food in bushes and trees is fine, just make sure the birds can reach the food - and cats etc. can't.
* It's not necessary to put out water, but as far as I know it wouldn't harm anyone...

Okay, with these guidelines everything should be fine. (I assume no one of you would leave behind the packing material of the bird food.)

(A few days ago we went out at night to put out fruit and vegetable remnants from that night's cooking, and the BF was worried that if we put it on the ground, other animals might eat it as well - rats, for example. To which I replied, "Yes, but these deserve support as well. Even rats are useful.")

Tonight, after grocery shopping and posting the last christmas gifts (and before I do anything about the mess that is our household), I will put out some purchased bird food in the woods and fields surrounding our residential area. I will make this part of this year's Yule celebration (besides putting up the tree together with the BF and fighting off the cats *g*). Don't think there will be any big ritual stuff, but... you know, small celebrations can be fun, too.

May share pictures later!

Again

My Dad is in hospital. Again. He was brought there with complications in the early morning hours. The doctors claim this is completely unrelated to the examination which sent him to hospital at the beginning of last week. Me? Not so sure about this. But hey, I am not an expert.

This time, they recommended surgery. Of course my father is not so thrilled, but he promised to listen to the doctor in charge, tomorrow. Today, he only wants to rest. Besides, he is worried about his girlfriend and doesn't want to leave her alone for christmas.

We'll stay busy, I'll spell a little and keep you posted.

No rest for the wicked, it seems...

Dear BF

When we first met in person, you were 31. I remember spending a nice evening at the bar where we had decided to meet. And I remember that I didn't look back when we parted that night, although it was difficult, because I was cinvinced it would bring on bad luck.

This has become tradition. Whenever we part, at the bus stop or in town or when I leave home, I don't look back.

Today, you are 35 years old, and we have been an item for almost 3 1/2 years. Still I don't look back. I love you, and I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you.

Happy birthday!

"I'm an expert for humans!"

My Dad is out of the hospital. I talked to him on the phone last night, and he seems fine. No one knows what went wrong in the first place, but it's over. He was not allowed to eat anything for 4(!!!) days, and they had to repeat the colonoscopy because "something was odd the first time". However, they didn't find anything, put too much air in my father's bowels and caused more complications that way. (My father, "They we're trying to blow up my a**!" Yes, we're that kind of family... *g*) At least he is home, and everything is fine for the moment.

After the procedure, the doctor told my father that everything was fine, and the place where the appendix was missing looked good, too.
Dad, "I still have my appendix."
Doc, "You're sure? You have that scar..."
Dad, "The scar is on my back."

Seems like that guy really was an expert for humans... (^v^)

Stupid intuition

From the last two posts, we know that my intuition sometimes works. However, I readily admit that I hardly ever trust it. Why is that so?

It mostly depends on me being a writer. My intuition is mostly tangled up with my imagination - for example I am convinced that I will one day find a dead person in our office bathroom. And I am pretty sure that this is nothing to do with intuition or "hunches", but more with the blood-thirsty thing that is my muse.

Sometimes I will get "real" hunches, usually when working with the tarot, but even then I try to get confirmation in any form. My "radar" simply isn't good enough for me to rely on it. If I want to know the weather, I will watch mosquitoes fly or judge the size and amount of fruit on a tree. If I want to know what people are likely to do, I will watch them. If I want to know what to do next or where to go for something, I will do research and evaluate the possibilities. Hunches don't work for me, and on many occasions acting on hunches has lead to the worst possible outcome. Maybe I am back-wired?

The only time when my intuition really works and has never failed me (and where I go and double-check every time nevertheless because I know what the hunches do to the other parts of my life) is when it comes to witching. When I start planning on doing a spell, the names of colors, plants, incense, stones and stuff will pop up in my head and I will know what to do with them. I will know which gods and goddesses to address. Nevertheless I will dig out my books or the internet and look all ingredients etc. up - who knows, maybe my imagination or my subconscious are trying to play a trick on me? (I have that happened as well.)

In the end, my witchy intuition sucks. Strange, hu?

I usually like being right, BUT...

... this time I'd like to make an exception.

Remember when I said I was worried because my Dad needed a colonoscopy?

After work I went grocery shopping, and my younger sister called. Obviously during the preparations for the procedure something went wrong, and my father is in hospital. I do not have any decent information since my sister only got the information from my father's girlfriend, who was nervous and all, and I intend to hunt for more information tonight. Maybe he did not tolerate the medication.

From what I know, it is not a "real" emergency, and he should be fine any day (we're a tough breed). However, if you feel like it, please light a candle for him.

(And I *told* him not to trust doctors. Of course he doesn't listen to me... *sigh*)

My weekend

I was...

* overly enthusiastic when planning our trip. We drove off 90 minutes later than planned. Which was better than last time, where we were delayed by five hours.

* tired after driving for eight hours through snow, rain, ice, mist and darkness. (Who'd have expected all this in Germany in December?)

* happy to see my sister's family (sister, husband, daughter, dog).

* victim to surrogate shopping since my sister refuses to buy new clothes in her current size.

* mad with joy when I realized my new clothes are one size smaller than the last ones I bought.

* stuffed after eating the "Würzfleisch" ("spicy meat") my sister made (recipe will follow).

* very cold while visiting the Christmas market, where the BF took pictures and my sister's daughter rode the carousel.

* my niece's toy. Self-explanatory.

* angry when my sister told me that she filed charges against her dentist (who tried to kiss her) which were rejected because "physical contact is normal during dentist treatment".

* happy to see new landscapes when the BF decided to drive according to the old satellite navigation device instead of simply using the highway.

* even happier to see my father for a coffee break on our way back.

* worried when he talked about his pending colonoscopy. He assured they were only digging for oil.

* too fast and drove over the speed limit (which was only hurt, not killed). I love driving. ^^

* tired when we finally got back home on Sunday night.

* attacked by the cats, who were happy to see us (I assume).

* angry at the BF - every time we visit (his or my) family, we end up mad at each other. Maybe we should move to the states after all?

* grateful for last weekend.

Insignificance Spell

We've all had it happen... something keeps dancing around in our mind - maybe someone we know or a situation we've been in - and it seems impossible to get rid of it. Now, I have a beautiful tiny spell that will take care of this.

You need
* 1 white candle
* time and peace

Yeah, I know. Not enough paraphernalia. ^^

Light the candle and prepare your space. Set up a circle, light some incense, play ritual music - everything to get you in the right mood. Then sit (or lie) down, close your eyes and...

... visualize who-/whatever steals your attention. And then watch it shrink in front of you, until it is the size of a cheap collectible. Do you want to put it in a drawer? Or just turn your back and walk away? Maybe watch it for a moment? (This is easy if it's a person - when working with a situation etc., visualize an appropriate symbol.)

See? Looks funny, doesn't it. Now everything that's left is something insignificant to be ignored.

Is there a neat word for "going grocery shopping while hungry"?

You know these days... you're hungry, and you HAVE to go to the store for just an item. Bad idea. You'll most likely end up buying all sorts of crap, just to devour most of it on the way home.

Well, last Tuesday, after swimming, I had to go get some cat food. And of course I did not go straight to the pet food aisle. Instead, I browsed the shop and put item after item into my shopping basket.

When I unpacked everything at home, I had to laugh. I'm totally not good at "crap shopping" anymore. See?



We have tomatoes, cheese, dried fruit, canned corn, nuts, wholewheat bread, low-fat pudding, herbs, fruit, curd, a cucumber, strawberry crisps (i.e. dried strawberry slices) - and yes, muesli and crisps in the background. But those were for the BF and I didn't have any of it. And I even remembered to get the cat food!

The sh... - uhm, STUFF you find in books

Following my decision to acquaint myself with Freya, I started looking for books on Norse witchery and stuff. Yes, I'm that kind of girl. I like to learn things from books, to get a good foundation before I start messing around with my own ideas.

However, especially with German authors it is really difficult to find books on the topic without falling into the "brown pool" (i.e. Nazis). Therefore I was ueber-happy when I found a book on "Norse Magic" by a female German author who clearly distanced herself from this kind of people.

Obviously my requirements were not specific enough. I should have asked for a GOOD not-racist book on Norse witchery.

I can't believe it. I started reading the book, and the author lost me on the first twenty pages when she mentioned, just as a side note, that "this technique is great to invoke the Goddess into your body". I am pretty sure the technique she mentioned should work, but - no background information? No advise? Nothing about the difficulties and dangers and precautions when trying that sort of stuff? I flipped through the book, and there was more to tick me of:

* The author mentions you have to make a "rune wand". She doesn't say, however, why you need it or what to do with it once you made it.

* Almost every time she mentions a technique, instead of describing it even briefly, you read, "Refer to my other book XYZ for more information".

* Besides some personal anecdotes, there is no, I repeat NO background information. No history, hardly any mythology, no sources.

* She writes things like "When starting to travel to the otherworld, make sure you travel no longer than 20 minutes. Return immediately." And that's about it. (Of course, if you want to know how to do it, you might just buy her other book.)

The list could go on and on.

I doubt that the book is available in English, but if you ever happen to stumble upon a book by a woman called "Nerthus" called something along the lines of "Norse Magic" - don't buy it. Just don't.

Today, I continued looking for more books, and it seems that I may have to
a) buy books from American authors
or
b) make up my own stuff.

From the comments, it seems that most authors either don't research properly or mix all kinds of traditions even though their books are said to be about "Nordic" or "Germanic" stuff. I'll look into some of them in real bookstores (yes, I buy most books online, it's way easier and takes less time), but at the moment I doubt I'll buy any of them.

Consequently, I am tempted to go with option (b) and learn by failing. Maybe I can find some more background stuff by doing my own (this time scientific) research?

(And I wonder what the author did to convince the publisher.)