That witch is true

Just saying...

2012-01-26T01:43:00.000-08:00

... don't forget the giveaway! There are still a few days left to enter!

Adventures ahead!

2012-01-25T04:37:00.000-08:00

Last September, I had to cancel a fabric market date with a very good friend in a town not too far away because I was broke (as is the case 95% of the time). As compensation, I promised her we would go on a weekend trip to Amsterdam for some sightseeing and general fun. And what can I say? The train tickets are bought, reservations made (with a youth hostel with rather mixed online reviews, from "Wonderful!" to "Rats!") and I am generally giddy. Mind you, I haven't been out of the country (or on vacation, except for family visits) since our school trip to GB in 2001. And now we will have a whole weekend for a girl-stuff weekend in a city I have never been to. Awesome.

So, we have planned to visit two markets and will most likely do some sightseeing and fun stuff. And the thing I am looking foward to most is, of course, Dutch fast food. Best in the world. Or maybe my taste buds are twisted because I am half Dutch, who knows? Anyway, I plan to take the camera with me (hopefully not forget to charge the battery) and report when we return. And until then there will be plenty of time for me to come up with ideas and possible horror scenarios.

(Wait, didn't the movie "Hostel" start in a Youth Hostel in Amsterdam?)

Any of you been to Amsterdam? Anything we should do or see there? And which adventures are in your future?

Wake up, sleeping beauty!

2012-01-21T02:10:00.000-08:00

That is what I have been hearing in my head as of late. The whole active witchcraft thing I used to love when I moved into my first dorm to go to university, and which I kept up all the time I was living on my own, has been reduced since I moved in with the BF. It is not that he disapproves, he is very supportive and usually asking questions about the sabbaths and such, but I also know that, despite having looked into tarot and druidry, he considers himself a "scientific" and "logical" man and tends to fron on all this "weird" stuff. So I have tried to keep the openly displayed witchyness to a minimum - I make charms or charge jewelery and wear it, I occasionally put up an altar in my room (which usually ends up put in the box again because we either need the storage or we need a room to keep the cats safe if we have visitors with dogs), but apart from that my activity has been slumbering. You may have read, some time ago, about my struggles with worshipping Diana as a witch and being in a traditional relationship at the same time (which, it seems, was not what she had in mind for me - and sometimes I still wonder if I was not simply standing in my own way), and then I started looking around for other goddesses to work with, and some have raised their heads with curiosity - Freya being the most frequent visitor, followed by Hekate and Isis every time something is wrong with our cats (don't ask me why it is Isis and not Bast, I wouldn't know). Others have stopped by simply to say "hello", without much happening, and I have acknowledged it and thought (each time!) that I should spend more time and space on my witching.

For a few days, now, it seems that one or more of them has/have been poking me and asking, "Are you finally ready to pick that wand up again?" (Figuratively, I have never really worked with a wand.) I feel the need to incorporate more actual witchcraft into my life instead of just living witchily, and I do not really know where to start... maybe pick up some of my older books again, and declutter my room to once more make space for my altar and a meditation cushion (I have made three, all of which are used as throw pillows in the livingroom).

Furthermore, I do not only want to put the witchy back into my room and my "me time", but also into the rest of our home and into the things we do together. If the BF gets his christmas tree and the holiday lights, I should get my witchy will as well.

Now, if only I knew how to start... okay, maybe really just start decluttering my space. Sleeping beauty is officially awake!

PBP: Is it hereditary?

2012-01-20T02:25:00.000-08:00

"I had to think about my wording on this one... I had to leave it vague, because I wanted it to be as open to interpretation as possible.

What I'm referring to here can be magic, witchcraft, spirituality, the things you can do that others around you cannot, etc. Another way to put it might be "Do you come from a family of Witches?" but that only works if you see yourself as a witch. Get what I'm trying to say here?

What you do and who you are - did it come from your bloodline? Or is it something you discovered and nurtured on your own?" (Link)

This is often a point of much debate among witches - some come from families where varieties of spells and rituals have been around for ages, others come from mundane Christian or Atheist (or...) families and discovered their path on their own. And sometimes there is debate as to what is better, or rather whether there is such a thing as "hereditary witchcraft".

I have got a two-step opinion on this (as usual).

First, I think that everyone has got it in them to be a great witch/pagan/... This is all about communicating nature and balancing the energies that surround everyone of us every minute of the day. So there is not really anything "special" about it, and practice makes perfect, as the saying goes. Coming from a family of witches does not have any advantages in this area, I guess ,except that maybe your "training" is more coordinated. On the other hand, of course, your chances for discovering great new things are slim when everything is done the traditional way and by the book.

On the other hand, there are different talents in different people, and sometimes they seem to run in the family. I know that several people on my mother's side were some kind of psychic - my grandfather ignored it (as does my younger sister), an aunt used it to rip off people, my mother never did anything about it and one of my older sisters and I use it as witches. The "flavor" of talent varies - some (used to) "see" or "hear" things, I am more likely to "feel" or "know" stuff. Note that no one else in our family does anything witchy, we still had to decide ourselves how we wanted to use this talent. And we suck in other areas, more or less.

It's a giveaway!

2012-01-15T02:00:00.000-08:00

Today, to celebrate my 100th follower, I am giving away the following items:

A copy of "Utterly wicked", a snake pendant, an Anubis pendant and a ring with a leaf pattern. All you ahve to do to be entered is:

1. Leave a comment telling me about your spell that went wrong (everybody has got one - something that backfired, or something that simply didn't turn out as expected, or a ritual that would never even start off right).

An extra entry if you:
2. Blog about this giveaway.

That's it. ^^ Entries will be accepted until January 31st, and some time on February 1st I will draw the winner and contact him/her.

Enjoy! Oh, and thanks to all of you for putting up with my silliness, I really appreciate that! ^^

Totems - everybody should have one (PBP)

2012-01-13T02:00:00.000-08:00

Do you have a totem animal? What is it teaching you?

What have the animals taught you in the past?(Link)

This is one post that will make me rather unpopular, but hey... can't change that, right?

Totems are all the rage. I think about every Pagan and Witch I know has got at least one. It's like those "must-have" pencilcases back at school. You need one to be considered part of the gang. Once upon a time I even read (online) some kind of war between two self-proclaimed "master witches" over who had more and better totems.

Really?

Historically, totems originated from the area of Canada/nothern North America. A similar concept is familiar with the Aborigines, and there are African cultures with animal spirits in their ancestry as well. Other countries and cultures have supposedly used "animal spirits" as well. A totem was usually supposed to be the ancestor of a group of people, such as a clan or a tribe. This means it was something you inherited, not something that would "come to you" or that you could choose from a list. It especially marked where you belonged to. Kind of like a crest, or a spiritual family name.

(That is my problem with the word "totem".)

These days, when Pagans and Witches talk about totems, they usually mean some kind of animal spirit or guide/mentor thingy. It is a very personal connection, and with many people I have met, totems seem to change rather fast. (Like, going through three or four different per year.) It is the same with familiars - everyone has got to have one, sometimes there are discussions about "how to find the best familiar" and such, and I am not completely sure this is what the original concept was about.

Of course this is not necessarily true for everybody, and under no circumstances would I try to take anyone's personal guides and mentors from them. This whole business belongs in the area of personal experiences, difficult to debate those. But very often it seems to me that all these people with their "totems" and "familiars" are like those people claiming that the wine they drank last night gave them a "migraine" or that they have got "depression" because of a bad day at work.

Okay, having made myself unpopular, let me continue by stating that I do not have a totem nor a familiar. Or at least I have never searched for one. Sometimes I will communicate with animal spirits during dreams or meditations, but that is something different. I have also learned a lot by simply watching the normal animals around me, which is probably not a cool as a spiritual lesson, but has helped me a lot in life anyway. And of course I may change my opinion on this at any given time. ^^

A game of tag

2012-01-12T02:43:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged over at The Multi-Faceted Experience! Now trying to come up with stuff I haven't said before...

Rules:

1. Post these rules.

2. You must post 11 random things about yourself.

3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.

4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.

5. Go to their blog and tell them that you have tagged them.

6. No stuff in the tagging section about ‘you are tagged if you are reading this.’ blah blah blah, you legitimately have to tag 11 people! (Diandra says: I don't give a crap how you tag people or if you tag people at all. This is supposed to be fun. ^^ )

11 random things about me:
1. I have been debating whether to cut my hair or not. I love it long, but I would also love to try something new. The only time I had short hair, at the age of 10 or such, my mother got me a horrible "cookpot cut", and it took me ages to grow it back. Hence I am hesitating...
2. Sometimes I feel ashamed for watching a movie because I know I'd just watch it for the nice view. I've got rather high expectations of myself when it comes to personality development, which I clearly do not meet. But I am kind of okay with that.
3. Sometimes I think I do not want children, because they would take up too much time. Most of the times, however, I am convinced I would make a great mother and have lots of fun doing so. (Yes, I know that "fun" is not exactly the correct description. You know what I mean.)
4. Last night I started baking my famous cheesecake at 10.00 P.M. - that's usually the time I fall into bed to read some more.
5. My knowledge on modern "pop culture" is so poor I do not eve nknow whether it is still called "pop culture". (Is it?)
6. I studied Japanese and Arab at school. Now ask me how much I can use those two languages without the help of a dictionary. Right. Rather pathetic, isn't it. (Not giving up!)
7. I do not think I would ever make a good housewife or SAHM. Housework is boring, and I would terribly miss translating. Unless I could be writing full-time, of course.
8. At work, we used to have a "most disgusting picture of the week" competition. I've seen some really stomach-churning stuff since I started working in the medical field.
9. I am always afraid of trying new stuff or going new places. I am way more comfortable if I know the procedures, where everything is etc. Using the bathroom at a place I have never been to before is terrifying.
10. I think that modern cities are just a part of nature, same as ant hills and beehives.
11. One day I want to own a beautiful saree. Wouldn't know how to wrap it, though.

11 questions I get to answer:

1. If you could transport yourself into any book, which one would it be and why? I am not quite sure... many books I love are rather dark and violent, and part of the fun is sitting at home, rather safe, and enjoying stuff that would kill you in the real world. Well, as long as I was sure to come out alive, I would love visiting the Merry Gentry series or such. ^^

2. What did you want to be when you grew up? I've always wanted to be a writer.

3. If you could go anywhere, this world or beyond, where would it be and why? Everywhere.

4. What decade or era do you think you belong in and why? I would have made a great Hippie.

5. Who inspires you in life and how? I find inspiration all kinds of places, couldn't pin it to a single person. The things I read about on your blogs are often inspiring. The things I read about in books, dito. Movies, tiny experiences. People I meet on the street. Yeah, I am easily inspired. ^^

6. What is your greatest accomplishment? I felt like a superstar the day my first story got picked up for publication.

7. What is your most prized possession, holds the most memories or means the most to you? The one material thing I love the most at the moment is my Kindle. It sleeps in my bed with me.

8. Do you have a favorite quote or mantra? What is it? Actually, I've got two. "Remember that you're perfect - the gods make no mistakes" and "Make today better than yesterday."

9. What is your favorite movie? That's tough, because there are lots of movies I like and watch over and over again. But if I could sit down right now with a movie and a cup of tea, I would watch "Paperback Hero" - it's not too philosophical, but it's funny and sunshiny and has got nice eye-candy. ^^

10. What is your favorite mythical, fantasy type creature (i.e. vampires, unicorns, etc)? Yesterday I polished a short story on the Ahool, which I think is a rather interesting creature. I like cryptozoology and such.

11. If you had to debate one or the other... would it be politics or religion? Definitely politics. Politics are a matter of fact, whereas religion is all about believes and experiences. Hard to debate those.

My 11 to tag are:

1. Confessions of a modern witch

2. Goddess and magick

3. What I really want to say is...

4. Kynd valley

5. Beneath the witch's moon

6. All rocks go to heaven

7. Pagan culture

8. Opening the broomcloset

9. A cauldron full of stars

10. A conve of one

11. Dancing barefoot

And my questions to them are:

1. What was your worst date, and why?

2. How do you like to eat your fruit?

3. What weird items would I find if I went through your wardrobe?

4. Which animal usually considered a pet scares you the most/do you find most disgusting?

5. How long would you survive in the wilderness and which skills would you use?

6. Is there something you always wanted to do but have been afraid to try?

7. What is the weirdest movie you have ever seen?

8. Which god or goddess scares you?

9. And which one annoys you the most?

10. Do you have any annoying habits?

11. Where do you want to be in three years?

Pagans and boobies

2012-01-11T00:52:00.000-08:00

This quick research project was inspired by a post from Jonirae, who had a not-so-nice confrontation with another Pagan concerning the topic of breast-feeding.

Of course I have not yet been in a position to test what the general or the Pagan public think of breastfeeding in public. But, simple mind that I am, I used to think that Pagans, who pride themselves about being open-minded and having a good relationship with their bodies ("skyclad", anyone?) would at least be more polite and considerate when it comes to such a topic. Obviously that is not always the case. And this made me wonder, for after all there are certainly enough goddesses depicted as either "whipping out their boobs in public" or even breast-feeding! This is what I found on the internet within ten minutes:

Asherah, the "nursing goddess" of the Israelites. It is said that she was often portrayed as a woman with extended breasts.
Tethys, a Titan goddess, is described as breast-feeding one of the Neiades in one document. She was also the wet nurse of Hera.
Dea Nutrix figurines, pipeclay figurines of nursing women, were found in graves not only in Gaule, but also in the previously Roman parts of Great Brittain.
Isis is known to have nursed her son Horus, and was often depicted as nursing pharaos.
Hathor is sometimes depicted with bare breasts as well.
Then there is Rumina, Roman goddess of breast-feeding. I do not think she was depicted as sitting in a room all covered up.
Many of the Minoan so-called "snake goddesses" were bare-breasted as well.
A Spanish statue of Astarte had hollow breasts "producing" milk occasionally (for more details, go here).

With more time and proper books, I bet there would have been more examples. And I ask, if goddesses can be bare-breasted and/or nursing and strong, how could this be disgusting in a human female?

Just to let you know

2012-01-10T01:56:00.001-08:00

... I am close to one hundred followers, and have started planning a giveaway! ^^

Pagan Blog Prompt: What's in a name?

2012-01-06T00:45:00.000-08:00

Do you have a witch/magic name(s)? If more than one, is one reserved for ritual use, with another that you go by to everyone else? If you do use a witch/magic name, how did you come by yours? Was it 'given' to you? Were you lead to it? Or did you pick it yourself? If you don't use a witch/magic name, why not? (Link)

This one is easy. I do not have a "magical name", because everything I do is part of my witchy life and hence magical. There is no way I could disconnect any of it from the rest - the recycling goes hand in hand with the rituals, the laundry accompanies the spells, and cooking is magical anyway. So, what should I use a "secret" magical name for?

Besides, "Diandra" is pretty cool anyway. It's a combination of "Diana", whom I used to work with for a looooong time, and "Diondra", celtic, meaning, "From the sacred spring".

Have you seen a ghost?

2012-01-03T04:18:00.000-08:00

I may or may not have ranted about having to spend the weekend surrounding New Year's at the BF's mother's place, together with his brother, sister-in-law and nephew. (Don't worry, there won't be another rant.)

The family with child slept in the bedroom on the second floor, where the grandmother had died a few years ago. Or, they tried to sleep there. After the child wailing for several hours, they gave up and drove home for the night.

Of course I could have told them that the year before, I had seen the dead grandmother (whom I had never met while alive) when staying in that room. But every time the BF's mother claims that she shares that room with the deceased, everybody blaims it on her medication. They do already consider me weird enough as it is, mustn't make them think I am a complete loon. ^^

Yet somehow I think that kid may simply have seen a ghost. Have you?

The end is coming

2011-12-30T03:18:00.000-08:00

The "dark nights" used to be a time of retreat for me, a time where I tried to do as little as possible and enjoy my own company.

This year, that has not been possible, and I feel as if I am paying dearly for this. My health is shaky right now, I am tired *all* the time and hae a hard time finding anything positive. This week, so far, I took part in 2 social activities, got scolded by two friends (once for not keeping a social date because I was sick, the other time for keeping a social date although I was sick and not staying as long as expected), set a new working record, drove a client from the office because I was at the end of my patience (which scared the colleagues because they only know me as a nice person) and had to deal with someone trying to steal money from me (see last two posts - I am still waiting to see the money back in my bank account, but they told me in advance it might take a few days, and apart from that everything seems to be settled). Today I have got some errands to run and prepare everything for tomorrow, when we will be heading to the BF's family once more to stay until Sunday - really not looking forward to this.

Okay, having gotten this out ouf the way - I decided to look back on the year, which right now feels so incredibly tough and dark, and find the positive stuff that happened:

* I finished my first novel (after several years).
* I finished the first version of my second novel (after 57 days).
* Several of my stories got picked up for printing - all in all I now have six anthologies with my name in them on the shelf, and I intend to add some more.
* I continued to lose weight, going from 78kg to 68kg (where I have stayed for several months now).
* I met many great people on- and offline, whom I enjoy very much.
* I visited a longtime friend for the first time and later in the year saw her marry a great guy.
* I went to see "The Rocky Horror Show" with friends, dressed up.
* I learned that my mother had secretly married once more.
* My youngest sister announced that she is bringing home another nephew for everyone to adore.
* I took up running once more and, at my best, ran for 50min straight.
* I found a lovely dress (you haven't seen it yet, I'll pester the BF for pictures) to wear to social occasions and at work - oh, this goes together with the next one:
* I learned how to enjoy clothes-shopping.
* I had my father over for a visit for the first time in years.

That makes thirteen great things, one for every moon, and I am sure there were many more I only cannot remember right now (it is BC here, Before Coffee). 2011 was a good year, with many lessons and great occasions, and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. And now I am looking forward to the next one, hoping that it may be just as great (and maybe slightly less exhausting) than this one.

Cursing - you're doing it right

2011-12-27T21:52:00.000-08:00

If you remember yesterday's post, I was talking on a book about curses, and mentioned that I would try something based on said book.

Let me just say, the results have been very, very satisfying.

Yesterday I got what I thought might be a scam mail concerning my PayPal account, saying that there had been unusual activities and that my account had been partly disabled until I changed some settings. I started checking on the internet and finally (NOT via the link provided in the mail, of course) went to the homepage. Where I found that the mail had not been a scam, for indeed there had been irregular activities. To be more exact, someone had transferred roughly one third of my monthly paycheck out of my bank account.

First I was shocked. Money is usually tight around here, and with a little planning and being careful we make it to the end of the month. With about 400.00€ (roughly 500.00$) missing, chances were not that big. (That is almost what we need for food in one month.)

Then I got angry. I followed through with the recommended steps (reporting the transaction and changing my login data and security questions) and sent a first bit of angry energy towards whoever did this. (This was mostly because if I do not get rid of this kind of energy, I tend to fry technical stuff by touching it, and I need the computer at work.) And when I got home, I adapted one of the recipes from "Utterly wicked" to fit what I had at hand (a sheet with the information on the transaction, some peanuts and black thread) and went through with the instructions. Afterwards I settled down on the sofa, remarkably relaxed, and watched the BF play "Fallout 3" for a while.

This morning, when I got up, there was a mail stating that the affair has been settled and that the money will be transferred back to my account within a few days. Of course I will a) keep an eye out for it, and anything out of the ordinary and b) contact PayPal to explore possible legal options. But for now let me just say how utterly satisfied I am with how quickly everything was sorted out.

I will be very honest with you, I was not out for justice. I was out for revenge. It is not possible to take someone's money "by accident", not if you have to hack into their account for this. And if someone does this with one account, he will surely do this with many others. And other people may not be as fortunate as I was - they may consider the mail spam and delete it, or they may not check their bank account until it is too late to do something, and for others money may be even tighter, so that even the temporary loss of this kind of money may be a catastrophe. (Of course there will be others who do not even notice that something like this happened.) Anyway, I was very clear with my request during the ritual: I wanted my money back, and I wanted nasty and ugly revenge. The kind that comes with bedsores and puss.

Anyone think light and love would have been a better solution? ^^

Review: Utterly wicked

2011-12-27T03:34:00.000-08:00

Link

This book had been recommended to me quite some time ago, I put it on my Amazon list and all but forgot about it. Until I decided to clean the list. And saw this book and bought it on a whim - buying books on a whim, what a rebel!

This book contains what it says on the title: Curses and hexes, plus some basic knowledge on the topic (including a "de-hex") and a tiny bit of moral discussion. The "recipes" are very modern, often with an eye on the money and keeping an eye on feasibility.

Are you of the opinion that everything would be better if we just loved and forgave each other often enough? Then this book is not for you.

For everybody else - for everybody who thinks we have a right to self-defense, for everyone who thinks that some things simply deserve punishment, and for all the people who think that love and light are not always the answer, this is the perfect book to start.

I may not agree with everything the author writes. I think that some things are harsh or exaggerated, but then I am a peaceful nature. Still, using your own judgement and taking protection (and occasionally revenge) into your own hands is not a bad thing. This is your life, you will have to live with the consequences, and it is your right to use everything to make it a good (and safe) place.

Plus, for me the book came at just the right time. I may have some plans when I get home after work today... I intend to become one of "the things that go bump in the night". *evilgrin*

I'm on to him!

2011-12-25T01:17:00.000-08:00

(I don't know how that happens, the cat appears on every picture.)

Let's see what we've got. A kitty and a string. (She put the string there, it's her favorite toy.)

A 500g FairTrade chocolate Santa I won a few days ago.

The presents from the BF: A stuffed pony, because we cannot afford a real one just yet. We called it Honecker. And a kindle. He is the bestest guy ever. The kindle is the only nerdy device I ever said, right when I heard about it for the first time: I want that. And now I've got one. "Honey, how many books fit on that thing?" - "Amazon says, roughly 1,400." - "Then it's settled. I'll never again look at you, and I will never cook again because I will be busy reading. I love you!"

But of course, this is all just part of his sinister plan: He intends to spoil me so badly that no other guy will ever be willing to put up with me. And you know what? He might just succeed. ^^

(I got him a pressed rose in a glass heart, a framed picture of my brain and a helicopter flight over our town. And made steak for dinner. And got him icecream. And promised him pea soup for tonight. And I totally intend to be a very naughty girl later. Okay, that last one is a little selfish, maybe.)

We borrowed Santa's head

2011-12-24T07:45:00.000-08:00

You are so dead.

The BF, the cats and I would like to wish you all a very merry holiday, refreshing dark nights and a head start for 2012! Don't forget to say lots of nice things about the people you care for, even if no one hears you, because the words will stay with you and color how you see the world!

Oh dennenboom

2011-12-22T22:53:00.000-08:00

Magical elks. And ducks and dragons (not included in picture).

2011-12-22T02:41:00.000-08:00

This is a special treat to be shared during this season: Cinnamon almond cookies (the elks - not the brown blobs). Not only are they healthy (almonds do have lots of good fats and cinnamon helps with blood sugar adjustment and keeps you warm), but they also have got magical properties: Almonds for prosperity, cinnamon for prosperity and love and sugar for love and good luck. What is not to share about these? Plus, they are easily made and delicious!

You will need:

500g ground almonds
300g confectioner's sugar
2-3tsp cinnamon
2tbsp amaretto (or: 2tbsp of almond syrup) (or: 2tbsp water plus almond aroma)
2 eggwhites

Mix ingredients*, roll out on flat surface (desired thickness: 1cm), use your favorite cookie cutters and bake at 150°C (300°F) for 10-15min - until the cookies brown at the edges. They may be a bit chewy, but that is half the fun. Store in airtight container for up to several weeks, give away or enjoy with your loved ones.

You can easily charge these cookies by visualizing the things you want in your life while preparing the dough and cutting the cookies, or by using appropriate shapes (round cookies to resemble coins, hearts for love, stars for good luck, ...).

(I promise there will be pictures of the ducks and dragons, I was in a hurry!)

* When I first read the recipe, I thought there was not enough liquid, but it works! If after mixing the dough is still too dry, maybe add a third eggwhite. But it should work just fine like that.

Merry winter solstice!

2011-12-21T04:48:00.000-08:00

It does not really matter what we call it - Christmas, Yule, Solstice, Hanukkah, ... - this is the time to sit together. To rest, and be merry, and share warmth and friendship and food. For these are the things that will keep us alive during the winter months. We tend to forget this, living with central heating and discount grocery stores around the corner. And I am not talking, "Be grateful for what you have got, there are people freezing and starving." (Although that is true as well.)

I am talking about the other cold. And the pressure that others put on us, and the pressure we put upon ourselves. We deserve to rest, and others deserve to rest as well.

Hence rest, and be merry, and share warmth and friendship and food.

Making new friends tonight

2011-12-17T10:11:00.000-08:00

What can I say? I've got a thing for guys with hats. ^^

The gods are weird (and I am not necessarily a good person)

2011-12-14T21:50:00.000-08:00

For some reason, gods keep approaching me. Or maybe there is no reason for this, maybe they are approaching everybody and I am just more used to listening to the voices in my head.

Some time ago, we were in a tight financial spot. Again. You all know this place, I guess. And Wotan made an appearance and offered me help for a favor. Five minutes later, I found a minor money bill on the street, and no one in sight who could have lost it. It was not a big amount, still about 10% of our weekly grocery bill. I kept it and put out some whisky and dark chocolate for him that night.

Yesterday while I was out to meet a friend (and while we are still in a tight spot, christmas and all), I found a nifty set of pens lying on the street, in a leather case, and Wotan was asking for another favor. I picked it up, looked around - no one to see. There was a sticker with a phone number on the back. Since I was late, I put it in my pocket and hurried to meet my friend.

We went to a nearby café, chatting about all the things that had happened since our last meeting, and all the time I kept trying to decide what to do. They were really nifty pens, and the leather case looked well-used and well-cared for. I love nifty pens. And then I imagined losing my favorite fountain pen, the one the BF gave me so I would have a great pen to sign my books.

When I came home, the first thing I did was call the number on the back. The guy the pens belong to had not even realized he had lost them, and he sounded really happy about the call. Today, after work, I am going to head to the guy's work place and drop them off. Still, I left some whisky and dark chocolate out for Wotan. It was a generous and tempting offer, even though I decided not to accept it.

Is it strange that I had to think about whether or not to return them? I don't know. I am not necessarily a good person, and I am convinced the only thing good people can be sure about is that, as soon as they bend over to help someone get up again, someone else will sneak up behind them to f*** them. Knowing that I am not a good person is an important lesson. The other important lesson, for me, is that we do have free will, and do not have to follow the gods with anything.I am curious to find out what will come from it.

You know what they say. No good deed goes unpunished.

******* Update *********

Just so you know, I really did return the pens. Was almost run over by a cab while at the guy's workplace. I hope that is all the "good karma" coming out of this. ^^ [/gallow's humor]

Signs of balance (more family stuff)

2011-12-08T22:59:00.001-08:00

Later in the day I may call my mother to find out how everybody is doing, but yesterday I got some great news from another part of my family - I will be even more of an aunt! My younger sister and her husband were approached by child services, asking if they might consider taking on a second foster child. And after meeting the child in question and getting all the paperwork done, a boy of slightly more than one year will come and live with them in January. I am so happy for them!

(As far as I know, they plan on having their "biologically own" children as well, but early in their marriage they figured there were already so many children in the world without proper families, and since - due to the "marital age gap" of 16 years - they are not eligible for adoption (and I ask you, just how stupid is that? They are perfect - happily married, both with good education and steady jobs, my sister is a kindergarten teacher with additional university education, and because her husband is somewhat older than her... - yeah, I know, these are the rules in Germany, but still... something being the rule does not necessarily mean it's good...), they took on a lovely girl two years ago, and are now expanding their family.)

This brings my "body count" as an aunt to 6, plus one great nephew. Woohoo! The more the merrier. ^^

And now something completely different

2011-12-07T21:14:00.001-08:00

They say that all bad things come in groups of three. Well, obviously that is not true for my family. Yesterday I talked to my mother on the phone, for the first time after their trip to Turkey.

Her husband caught food poisoning in Turkey.

His mother (my step-grandmother - who is 99, by the way) had a stroke. Her left side is paralyzed and she has got severe memory and behavioral trouble, and no one knows whether she'll come out the other side.

My nephew, who does already have trouble using his right hand - he fell into a tablet full of glasses while working and cut nerves and tendons - was sawed into the left arm at work, they do not know how much damage has been done. (In case you were wondering, he's a waiter. Don't ask.)

And my mother has been vomiting blood for days and has been scheduled for surgery in January. (She says the surgeon wanted to keep her at the hospital right away, but she did not want to. Yes, we're all stubborn, bordering on stupid.) She had stomach reduction surgery about 15 or something years ago, which did not go well, and by now her esophagus is less than 1cm in diameter, and this plus the stress caused severe irritation and damage to the mucous membranes. All she can eat is liquid food, but she says she'll be okay.

At least they are still optimistic enough to plan the husband's mother's 100th birthday celebration, which will hopefully take place on December 23rd. And I am lighting candle upon candle and sending all of them good energy.

The value of a gift

2011-12-04T03:47:00.001-08:00

The BF and I have been discussing gifts for our families these last few days.

My family does not necessarily give gifts anymore, we send cards and talk on the phone. Still, if I find something that makes me think of them, or if there is something I want to share, I will send them some. Usually the monetary value of such a gift is no more than 10, maybe 15 bucks. Last year they got a selection of my favorite recipes, hand-printed and with comments and place for notes, in a folder. I think the monetary value was less than five bucks, including postage. But who cares? I heard back from several of the recipients just how much they loved it, and I plan on adding an "update" to the collection this year, if I have got the time to write some of the new recipes up. Apart from that, they will all get an anthology with one of my stories inside - that's the kind of "handmade" gift I am best with. My creative abilities outside of writing pretty much suck. ^^

My younger sister is great at making homemade stuff, and will mostly be giving out homemade lotions and soaps and shower gels and such. I know our father got a "one soap/month" prescription from her this year so he could try out all the scents she makes, and his girlfriend stores the unused soap bars between the fresh laundry to scent it.

My mother loves knitting, and regularly sends out colorful socks. They are incredibly warm and look great, and our tomcat loves the scent of the socks - he always steals a pair and runs off with it. So, everybody's happy. She also makes homemade walnut liquor every now and again, or coffee liquor. Some of the mare great, some less, but I know she hand-picks everything she sends us for birthdays etc. with great care, and that is what makes these gifts so great for me.

The BF is okay with having a homemade gift for his mother (a hand-painted mug and some luxury cocoa), but he is afraid the wife of his brother will think us "cheap" if we give them homemade stuff. (I cannot talk about the things I am planning to make, since other people who may be reading here may be getting something similar.) And after a few days of back and forth with this discussion, I am really fed up with it.

Why does he have to join this madness? Why does he have to worry about what others will think of us based on the gifts we decide to give them? I mean, if we decide to give anything, they should be grateful. And I actually put lots of work and thought into the presents I make (similar to the efforts I make with the cards, see earlier post). Would they be any better if I attached a hefty price tag? We may settle on a compromise - something "valuable" for both of them, and some hand-made items, just so everybody can be okay with it. But still...

Gifts are not about making the recipient rich in stuff - they are about adding love and happiness to their life. And if it takes "X amount of money" for them to be happy with a gift, then sorry, I'd rather just not participate.

A new attempt at altaring

2011-12-01T21:29:00.001-08:00

Remember this board? Originally I put it up on the wall just to hold my candles. But since the cats started eating my altar - and since I had to remove it every now and again for security reasons - I switched things around a little. This is still a 15x30cm wooden board fixed to the wall with shelf arms, the lids of the jars beneath have been nailed and glued to the wood and the jars still hold my gemstones (you remember what I wrote some time back about using crystals in magic, right? Haven't bought a thing since, but haven't thrown anything out either. There are shops promising to only sell less unhealthy crystals and stones, but I am still poor and haven't tried them). On top of the shelf, from left to right - my reading lamp ^^, a Briar card (not for any special reason - I liked the image, and the card was there before), my god/goddess stone, an empty tiny wooden tin, a rosequartz bracelet I occasionally wear to remind me to love myself (crazy what things people forget, right?), a honey jar spell in the middle, my "loving relationship" spell in a heart-shaped glass plate, an oild burner and a molten piece of charcoal my grandparents brought me from South Africa. It is not much of a "traditional" altar, and will undubitably change a bit every now and then, but it feels good to have my witchy place back up and working.

Do you have any altar pictures you would like to share?

PS: Yes, I am practically unable to take a picture that is not lopsided. ^^

Inter-faith holidays

2011-11-26T00:47:00.001-08:00

The battle has obviously begun, same as every year. A few weeks before christmas, the Christians brush off the dust and start with their "Put the Christ back in Christmas!" Oh yeah, there we go again. Pagans trying to find the roots of Yule and defend their own celebrations, Christians getting upset about the consumerism and the rest of the world who will not go to church with them, and general holiday madness ensues.

We send out about 50 "seasonal greetings" cards each year - family and friends all over the world. And most years I try to make them myself. Now, how to meet everyone's demands? I really don't want to turn a simple greeting card into something that upsets anyone, no matter if they share my faith or not. Luckily, most people know about my poor taste. ^^

First of all, in Germany it is not that tough for me to wish anyone "Merry christmas". Because, of course, we do not say "Merry christmas", instead we say something along the lines of "Frohe Weihnachten!" And "Weihnachten" is derived from "holy/sacred nights" and blends fine with the Yule traditions, right? Nevertheless, some Pagans take offense in this saying, since it has been christianized over the centuries.

Then there is the problem with the Japanese - red may be a traditional christmas/Yule color in the Western countries, but I recently learned that you may not want to send anything with red on it to Japanese people as seasonal greeting, since obviously traditionally death notices are red in Japan. (Learn something new every day.)

And then there are the christians. I do know some devout christians, and one of my best friends is among them. Wouldn't want to offend them either, right?

This year, we decided to take one of the BF's pics from our cookie-baking session, make it into cards, and I will personalize every front and back according to the recipient's/recipients' taste. It doesn't kill me to wish one person "Merry christmas" (my very devout Christian Canadian family, for example) and tell the next Pagan to "Have a great Yule time!" or something like that. These cards are not about demonstrating my personal choice of faith to the world, they are about making the recipients happy. And I think I can do that. ^^

(In case you were wondering, there will be some poor plays on words as well, I simply cannot resist. Luckily, my family really does love me. And now, where are the silver and gold pens? There are cards waiting to be butchered.)

Do the things you love

2011-11-24T09:11:00.001-08:00

And do them often. Find ways to enjoy every day, and as many minutes of it as possible.

If you have got to make a choice - any choice - in life, ask yourself if this choice will still matter in fifty years, and if yes, if it will make you happy. When choosing your career - will you find anything about your chosen career that will make you happy? Try thinking outside the box, too. A friend of mine wanted to help people, and she pursued a kinf od work where she thought she would do just that, but she did not find a job. So she switched lanes - now she works at a shop and makes her customers happy, and she loves it. (Plus she gets to play with technology all the time.)

When I finished school, like about every young person in the world I did not really know what to do. I liked psychology, but suspected my mind was crooked enough without it. I also liked medicine, but I tend to work sloppy when I am tired, and I did not want people's (or animals') lives to depend on me getting enough shut-eye. I liked cooking, but not enough to put up with the insane working hours (late nights, holidays and such). One thing I did like without any second guesses was - languages.

I studied to become a translator, and ever since taking up this particular line of work, haven't regretted it for one moment. I get to play with words, I get to learn new stuff every day and help people with communication. Even on really crappy days when the boss is in a bad mood and the colleagues are stressed and the clients are upset about something, and the technology decides that it cannot possibly work today and I then spill coffee over my files - I still love translating. (I also do love translating in the medical field, but that is just a bonus. I'd translate mannuals as well.) And this is why I don't mind taking on other translating tasks besides the seven-hour work-days we've got at the office. I've come home, done a minimum of housework (enough so we won't get rats), and now I am looking forward to finishing one product (politics) and continuing with a larger one (comics and literature). That is what my evening will look like.

When things get this busy, the BF sometimes complains, but I honestly can't help him with this one. I am not cuddly when I am in the middle of projects, and my mind is set on finishing stuff and managing everything else, and I cannot wait to get back to my work.

Twelve or fourteen hours of translation per day? Bring it on, I love it. Can't see myself burning out over this kind of work anytime soon (although I suspect there should be a break sometime at the beginning of December).

And that is why you should do the things you love.

Holiday preparations

2011-11-22T03:44:00.001-08:00

My holiday preparations are in full swing.

Seasonal greeting cards have been ordered (using a picture the BF took).
A list of gifts to assemble has been written, necessary items have been ordered or bought.
The first cookie-making session is over, and everybody survived - although some only because I do not own a gun.

I wonder when it is the right time to make new traditions, and how to do this. And how to meet everybody's demands. For example, I am totally not willing to spend the complete holidays with the BF's family, and especially 12-24. The last years, they met at their mother's house, and this year there is an invitation pending to come to the brother's house. I politely declined, ignoring their pleas that this would be cruel on the mother. I am pretty convinced that my personal happiness (and sanity!) should be more important to me than hers. The BF does not really know which party he sides with - he'd love to make everyone happy, but I am stubborn on this one. ALthough I would not hold it against him if he went there without me, we have an agreement in this matter which I will stick with until we've got our own children. But I do not expect him to spend the holidays at my family's place (either of them), and I would much rather stay at home and watch horror movies than endure some more family madness.

Apart from these power plays, I intend to have a relaxed pre-Yule time, celebrate Yule quietly and simply and enjoy myself as much as possible. And if there are any problems with these plans, the vendors have started selling mulled wine on the market place. ^^

Review: The Gossamer Gate (Wendy L. Callahan)

2011-11-17T05:51:00.001-08:00

Khiara's life is so perfect it could make you puke. She is a witch from a strong family tree of witches, runs a magickal shop situated in her beautiful home and is the high priestess of a coven. Her firends turn to her for advice and knowledge. She is also in unrequited love with her best friend, but she is trying to deal with this as best as she can.

So, what could possibly go wrong?

We all know the answer: A lot. Someone from her past comes to haunt her, someone who is not human, and she has got to find ways to defend her and protect those she loves.

"The Gossamer Gate" by Wendy L. Callahan promises to be a very good story - too bad I've only got lunch breaks to complete reading. (Can't wait!) For all of you who enjoy witches, faeries and love, this should make a very good choice of book, either in paper or as e-book. I promise!

How did that happen?

2011-11-17T02:32:00.001-08:00

I realized I am <> close to 100 followers. How did that happen? Why didn't anyone tell me? And what kind of giveaway am I supposed to do next?

I am thinking something nice and blinky. ^^

And this is why cats make perfect pets for witches

2011-11-15T02:54:00.001-08:00

They've got their own very special set of magic skills.

Our cats, for example, are making it a habit to walk through walls. Or closed doors, maybe. No matter how often I herd them into the livingroom before we leave for the office in the morning, chances are upon returning I will find at least one of them in another room. On my rocking chair, for example, or sleeping on a pile of clean clothes. Sometimes they take turns visiting my wardrobe, to lend a "feline touch" (AKA cat hair) to my brand-new cardigan.

Occasionally I will find one of them in a closed wardrobe. In a room they should not be in to begin with. Imagine this, you open the door and are face-to-face with a fluff ball looking at you as if to say, "I did not invite you. What are you doing here?"

At least they are too stupid to use their powers for the greater good (or, more likely, evil). How long before I find one of them squished into an unopened tin of cat food? ^^

What next?

2011-11-14T05:30:00.001-08:00

A few weeks ago I posted about our unwelcome visitor and how I got it out of our bedroom. We are still sleeping pretty well. However, that thing is still residing in our hallway. And strange enough, I am reluctant to ban it, but it keeps getting on my nerves. It keeps hovering around, sometimes following me into the kitchen (never any of the other rooms). The cats keep their distance from it, but they do not appear to be scared. Which, to me, means one of two things:

a) Our cats are no survivalists.

b) Obviously the thing is not purely evil.

Still, what am I to do about it? Nothing? Set it free? After the first incidents, I am not inclined to trust it, but the thought of banning it feels like kicking a puppy. I am almost tempted to keep it around, maybe like the technology gnome (who lives on the shelf above the laundry machine because the tomcat kept chasing him) or offer it a container of some sorts, like a bottle or box in a safe corner, but then again... is that really a good idea or will I be getting myself in trouble?

Any input?

The Domestic Pagan

2011-11-14T01:14:00.001-08:00

In case you were wondering, The Domestic Pagan moved! That's the new link. ^^

How to get it right

2011-11-12T02:34:00.001-08:00

My new writing project runs along the guidelines of urban fantasy. Exciting, hu? I do have zombies, but no vampires or wereanything (yet). Demons, yes. And my protagonist is a witch.

This is kind of where the trouble begins. I am not quite sure how to change the real magic stuff to make it into fantasy and at the same time get everything right. Does it bother you when you read about witches like those from "Charmed"? How much fantasy can witches get away with before it gets incredible? There have to be rules, after all, otherwise every little problem along the plot could simply be overcome by snapping her fingers.

Plus, I am tangling myself in the idea that there should be laws and official rules concerning magic, in a world where everyone accepts that this is real. Basically I am trying to build a world that is much like ours and magical, without falling into the trap of making everything bureaucratic and boring.

At least I wrote myself a hottie as company. There's upsidese to being the creator of your own worlds! And now it's caffeine'o'clock. Again.

Meh.

2011-11-10T11:52:00.001-08:00

Because I am tired.
And my day's work is far from done.
And because I don't know how to properly schedule everything.
And there is a PMS monster sitting on my shoulder. (It's really mean.)
And because I made three meals today and cleaned the kitchen.
And went to the office.
Because Blogger hates me today.
And because we had no internet at work,
and hence no dictionaries.
Because I forgot to drink enough and eat my apple.
And because the tomcat has made the "emergencies only" litterbox in my office his favorite stinky place.
Because the BF's mother called today to tell me about her vomiting and diarrhea (in detail).
And because I am cold and feeling blergh.

- I tell myself, "It's okay. You get a new day tomorrow. Rest tonight, and tomorrow give it all you've got."
(And then it's time to get drunk.)

Last day of vacation and a full moon

2011-11-09T00:23:00.000-08:00

- we all know that this is exactly the combination to make me very busy. I've got stuff I promised to read, things I want to get out of the way before I have to be back at the office, and am meeting a friend tonight for sushi (she is tricking me into translating some Japanese comics for her so she can use them for her thesis). There is bread in the oven, the laundry machine is doing its little happy dance, the dishwasher has its own opinion on my work moral - and I definitely should get the cats for that seasonal greetings photoshoot I have planned. Plus there are tons of stuff I promised to read and have an opinion, and people are waiting for letters... oh, and did I mention we need to decide on cookies to make with the BF'S family? Aaaaand I want to make cheese cupcakes for the office, as a "Look at me, I am older!" treat (I am using these and adding some strawberry and pumpkin swirls instead of the raspberries - trust me, this is the perfect recipe.)

The picture above was taken yesterday morning, on what I knew would be my last long walk for this vacation. We are truly living in fairytale country - I did nothing to the picture, and I am the proverbial luser when it comes to cameras (the BF is a great photographer and is constantly trying to teach me new tricks, but I am happy using the pre-programmed settings).

Time to get busy! Some reading, some cleaning, some groceries, some baking, some more reading, some pictures, ... - you get the idea. I've got 5:30 hours left before I've got to catch the bus to sushiland!

Does anyone have a witching schedule?

2011-11-08T03:13:00.000-08:00

I need a good witchy calendar to put up on my wall. Something that shows the whole year at one, with moon phases and such. We all know that certain spells and rituals work way better at some times than at others, but usually I am so unorganized that I miss full and dark moons, the wheel of the year, Fridays, ...

I think I will simply get one of those big poster calendars and put all necessary information in there myself, with stickers and all kinds of colored pencils. Things I want to put on it include:

* Full moons
* Dark moons
* The sabbaths

What else should I put in there?

Over time, I am sure, that thing will morph into something strange and living, because I plan on adding all kinds of information on weekdays and such. If this project really becomes reality, there will be progress pictures. Maybe I can have a complete witchy calendar wall?

Weekend is over - finally!

2011-11-06T09:18:00.000-08:00

I really loved spending time with my family, but I am glad it is over for the moment. After putting most stuff back in its place, I am lying on the couch with the notebook and a blanket and trying to not think.

At least I got to celebrate my birthday on the playground, and that is really cool - even at 29! Sorry that there are no pictures, but some of my friends and family are picky about being shown online, and I try to respect that. Having said this, I will pester the BF as to whether he got any pictures of me being silly - that's something I am not afraid to show you. And let me tell you, the dress I wore was a little too short for going down the slide, I've got "slide burn"! (TMI? Think of fluffy bunnies instead. ^^ ) Boy, we definitely were all out of plates and chairs at some point today! To think that the BF had made fun of me before for having fancy china for 12 people... we really do need that!

Weird thing is that I did not get any books this year. There was chocolate and sparkly wine and music and pictures and socks, and the BF got me a balance board for my WII and the "WII fit", for the winter days. He is such a great guy! My niece sensed that, too... she proclaimed she would marry him! (To which he replied, "You'll have to kill Diandra first." Uhm, help??)

I think I'll now close my eyes for a moment and try to find out if I still want to make dinner...

Family trouble - the good kind

2011-11-04T10:51:00.000-07:00

Wow, I am done for the day. And it is only 6:45 P.M.

You see, my younger sister is on her way here. Complete with husband, daughter and dog. Which means we had to clean, grocery-shop, bake, cook, clean some more - and make my office cat-proof. I really do not want a 30kg dog playing with our lively two cats. ^^

Right now, there is carrot soup on the stove for tomorrow's lunch (or dinner, maybe). There are muffins and chocolate shortbread cooling on racks. There is lasagna in the oven for tonight. There will also be pizza and Mississippi mud pie and cheesecake and mac'n'cheese.

I love cooking for my family. Actually, I am confused when I hear that people do not like to cook - especially witches. I mean, cooking is like witching - you take some ordinary things and yout intentions and mix them according to the rules, and the result is something wonderful. (Except if you weren't careful, then there may be disaster.) See? Magic.

My sister always keeps telling me I shouldn't bother that much when they come to visit, but she is exactly the same - making fancy cakes and delicious dishes and making icecream and stuff... - the cooking runs in the family. We're all little witches at heart. Explains a lot. ^^

Your typical witch?

2011-11-01T01:03:00.000-07:00

[I wasn't sure whether to post this here or over at my other blog, but figured I'd annoy some people along the way anyway, so why bother... I can still link to myself all I want. ^^ Oh, and of course this is an unsorted rant coming right from my head and does not necessarily have to make sense.]

Take a moment and do a google image search. Search for "witches" or "Wicca" and see what turns up.

There are a lot of paintings and graphics out there depicting witches - the traditional ones, hat and warts and all, and the modern ones - tall slender women with long curly hair in revealing dresses and long cloaks, flawless features, very symmetrical. Which wouldn't bother me that much, if I hadn't seen a lot of this kind of images being used by other witches and Pagans who happen to participate in the "Get off your broom" challenge over at the Domestic Pagan.

Is this really the ideal image of witches, in our own heads? I've blogged before about how most witchling beginners' books will proclaim that "real witches" know the secrets to true beauty, and if you're powerful enough and know the right spells, you will loose all your flaws. On my reading journey, I have seen spells for clear skin, perfect hair, of course dozens of weight loss spells, ... and no, not only in books such as "Antara's guide to white magic perfection in 30 days", but in books that are recommended and read throughout the Pagan community. Somewhere in all this Pagan and witchy self-acceptance and "nature is beautiful" talk, there is still the spark of an idea that "beauty = superiority"

(It's another thing to epict the gods and goddesses as ideals, but even in those cases I find it - uhm, problematic to give them unnatural shapes just because someone somewhere thinks that this is what "ideal people" should look like. Does this look like a reasonable, tough goddess of the hunt? Those tiny arms should most certainly break any minute now that she has to handle this big bow, and - hello? Who in their right mind would go out hunting in that dress? And most pictures of Freya to be found online, unless they are from historic paintings, look as if they were taken from Viking porn. Don't get me started on all the gods to be found online... )

Having said that, a.m. graphics annoy me to no end. I know it is stupid, but seeing these pictures all over the net somehow promotes that this is what witches and witching are supposed to look like, and that anything short of that is a fail. And while so many people around the blogosphere have joined the GOYB challenge in an attempt to live healthier and more active lives, I am afraid that deep down inside their heads there is still this unattainable image of the tall beauty with the five-inch waist which they hope to become.

Okay, okay. I have been losing weight myself. And since I am at a healthy weight by now (having gone from 83.6kg = 185lbs to 67.7kg = 150lbs over the course of 15 months), I will readily admit that I am continuing this journey to look even better than I do now. Yes, of course I am vain, I am a woman. I want to wear short skirts and flimsy dresses and have guys turn their head to look at me. I want to be toned and fit. But I also know that no matter how much weight I lose, my boobs will always differ in size by about 1/2 cup. My face will always be asymmetrical, and I will tend to squint when not focusing. My teeth will remain crooked, and in addition I suspect there will always be that tummy bump that looks as if I am trying to digest a whole pumpkin. Admitted, the current pumpkin looks way smaller than the past pumpkin, but still... no flat tummy for me, I guess. Oh, and have I mentioned the first hint of varicose veins at the back of my left knee?

Does that make me a failure?

Nope. I am beautiful because I know and accept my "flaws", and make them the "de-fault" me. I try to do my best to take good care of my body and shape it to its best possible condition. After that, though... Being regarded as beautiful and making heads turn when walking down the street is mostly caused by your attitude. If you behave confident and self-loving, that will provide ten times the results than any crash diet or plastic surgery you could go for. And although this, too, is in every "witchcraft 101" out there, it is a lesson that is difficult to understand, and even more difficult to live.

"Remember that you're perfect, the gods make no mistakes."

Slowing down and feeling better, plus pictures!

2011-10-31T03:39:00.000-07:00

When I realized I had missed Samhain by being busy and trying to run to catch up with stuff, I slowed down. Every morning, I made a list of stuff to be done that day, and started by crossing off the small things (after doing them, of course). That gave me a sense of accomplishment, and calm for the rest of the day. I sat a lot, and wrote a lot, and went for a walk every day. Sometimes I went into town to get stuff, other times I went into the woods and tried new paths around the area. I baked a lot - yes, I am that kind of girl whose Saturday night entertainment consists of baking muffins and watching Woody Allen movies while working on her papers. I wonder why anyone would ever want to be my friend. Most likely because of the muffins. ^^

Anyway, I baked some great stuff (Honey banana peanut butter muffins and beer bread) and tried some new dishes and took things slow. Cooking and especially baking are my emergency remedies: They help me organize myself and cheer me up, and the delicious food emerging (in most cases) is a nice bonus. ^^

The thing I missed about this year's Samhain - and most other holidays, to be honest - was that they do not simply come to you. You have to make time and space for them, you have to be willing to put yourself in the spirit of the season. If you are too busy doing what (you think) needs to be done, the holiday spirit may pass you by and decide to stay with other people who welcome him into their homes.

I didn't pick up the bunch of family pictures I intend to sort and put notes to (who's on them, when was the pic taken and such). I didn't work on our scrap book, which one day, I hope, may become something the next generations may remember us by. I did not read anything related to the seasons, or watch a single scary movie. Do you see how that could have led to missing the Samhain spirit?

At least tonight we will make up for it, a little bit. Some friends will come over and we will watch crappy horror movies (one promised to bring "Lesbian vampire killers" - can't wait to sit with a bunch of guys and watch that!). There will be fire and meat (last barbecue of the season, our balcony is rather protected from the weather), and drinks, and I will make sure to set up a space for passing spirits. Maybe I will also finally make time to read the other contributions for "31 nights of Halloween". And after today, it is really time to start preparing for winter, and Yule, and christmas!

Finally, the promised pictures. I do have this great DSLR camera the BF gave me when he upgraded to the next bigger one, but of course I did not take it with me on my walks. Hence sorry for the crappy mobile phone pictures!

I went for a walk last Monday and decided to try a new path. It went downhill, and since I did not want to climb all the way back up again, I decided to try the next new path and see where it would lead me. A walk intended to be 30-45min ended up at more than two hours, and I was lost most of the time (but enjoying myself immensely).

I did what I like to do most and traveled "between the worlds" - not in the forest, not over the fields. The air was great and the pictures do not do the light justice.

Finally I saw the mountains I use for orientation again. Up close you could see two castles (one from the 19th century, the other a medieval ruin). I've been there before, another lovely hike. We can also see them from our livingroom window. And yes, that's the mountains where some stories took place that would later become famous as The Fairy Tales by the Brothers Grimm.

The next pictures were taken on Friday, on another walk.

That's where I really could have used the good cam. Forget-me-nots, this late in the year. I don't know if you can see them, otherwise you will just have to trust me that they were there, and quite a bunch of them. Flowers to remember deceased loved ones by.

Another flower which, at least in my memory, is connected to the dead - corn poppies. You can see they were standing in the middle of a bunch of forget-me-nots.

This is our "home forest" - five minutes walk from our place. This is where I used to go running when it was still warmer, and where I love to go to think and enjoy some fresh air. Do you see the difference in atmospere, compared to the pictures above taken on Monday? When going out and paying attention, it is clear that the seasons have changed and that the dark time of the year is almost upon us. I hope to enjoy some more of that brilliant autumn light and colors this week while discovering new paths, and if I remember to bring the big cam, there will be more pictures!

No commitments for the near future

2011-10-28T04:39:00.000-07:00

I thought about doing Nanowrimo.

And then I thought, "Dear stupid, why would you do that to yourself? Aren't you busy enough already?"

Over the last few weeks, I have missed a lot of things because I am a little frayed out and really, really busy. It takes about everything I have got to keep up with the usual stuff - work, housework, writing, exercising. If I've got any time left, I will squeeze (in) some friends. My friends are great, they deserve occasional squeezing.

And that's it. Several letters have gone unanswered for months, and the last time I actually finished a book - well, I can't remember, although I assume it was one by Isabel Allende. I have joined the "Get off your broom" witchy fitness challenge, which is not really that much additional trouble, since I am a health nut already (see my other blog for details). But apart from that, I decided not to make any new commitments for the near future. I am committed to blogging and to finishing my manuscript (which, as of yesterday, has more than 85K words, and I've still got scenes to add and other scenes to polish). I've got new stuff brewing for another story, which will most likely turn into a novel, which I really do love and which I hope to finish way faster than my current project (which took me several years and long episodes of procrastination). I will definitely get it up and running in November, but I most likely won't finish it in this time, and I am not sure I will be near the end of the first draft at the beginning of the new year.

My solution to stress-full times: Do not add more pressure in an attempt to "plan-fix" everything. Reduce pressure, and put more energy into the things that are really important.

And now I am off to stalk some technicians concerning our hot water. Our landlord agency finally gave me their number, so I would stop calling him. ^^

I never thought that could happen to me

2011-10-27T09:45:00.000-07:00

I missed the Samhain dark moon!

Honestly, I've got no idea how that happened. I new the dark moon was somewhere around the corner, and I could feel the changes, and I even wrote all the Pagan hoildays in my cute little blue calendar at the beginning of the year, to be prepared, and yet... when the BF asked when Samhain would be, I went and checked the calendar, and obviously the dark moon was last night.

This has me thoroughly confused. Fortunately in the real world nothing bad happens if we miss a sabbath - or only to our own balance, right? - so I'll just string out some food for the spirits still hanging around and toast them tonight. Let's hope that none of our spirits are allergic to peanuts. ^^

(I'm still planning that horror movie marathon for Halloween.)

A less-beloved fall tradition

2011-10-26T03:24:00.000-07:00

- the annual "We need to save electricity" discussion.

Yeah, we got another additional claim and are now expected to fork over a bit more than hundred bucks per month for electricity. That is slightly insane for a household of only two people. Even considering the fact that electricity tends to become more and more expensive.

I may have mentioned it around here, I am considered an "environmental terrorist" by the BF. Switching off the light when leaving rooms, switching off the TV before going to bed and such. The BF, on the other hand... he has got three lights in his room when he is working, which he does not necessarily switch off. He likes the livingroom best if there is a light burning in every corner (plus the overhead light). And doesn't the flat look way cozier with lights on in every room when you return home?

Of course we *could* spend a ridiculous amount of money on his desire for light and entertainment, but I'd rather save it, or go on vacation eventually. Heck yes, I do like light - when I am reading, for example. I like using the computer (a notebook) and cooking. Yes, we do cook with electricity. Funny, right? Still I think we need to come up with ways to save energy. Not just for the money (although that always was a good argument with my father, and may be the only argument working for the BF), but also for the environment.

Things I am going to change:
- no more stove-cooked espresso for me, I dug out the coffeemaker (uses less energy, coffee is less tasty).
- remember to defrost stuff over night in the fridge instead of using the microwave right before needing the stuff.
- using the "quick" program with the laundry unless the clothes are really dirty (almost 50% faster).
- avoiding preheating the oven if possible. There are some dishes who need to be put in a hot oven, but most of them don't.

That is the plan for now, and I am going to try and ~~force~~ convince the BF to support. Or he can take over paying the electric bill.* Any other suggestions?

* We've got our bill-paying roughly balanced - we share rent, he does phone and insurances, I do electricity.

Pagan Blog Prompt: Sex Magic

2011-10-25T01:12:00.000-07:00

(This is a random collection of thoughts, and purely subjective, and most likely won't make much sense anyway. Plus it might be considered NSFW.)

Link

Sex magic is a difficult topic. Some people claim that unless you are comfortable getting naked and sweating in a circle with perfect strangers who happen to know the names of some ancient gods, you are still a slave of your restrictive upbringing. Others seem to consider this a great way of getting something they are not getting at home. To both concepts I say: Bullshit. Unless all people agree and are comfortable without being pressured into it, sex magic (and starclad rituals) are a big NO.

Not having been member of any kind of coven, I have never witnessed the Great Rite, and honestly this is a concept that does not work for me - neither with symbols nor with real people. If the gods want some booty, I am pretty sure they can get some, and them having sex in public is probably not necessary for the world to continue spinning.

Living in a ~~monotonous~~ monogamous relationship with a guy who is not a Pagan, I doubt I will ever have the occasion to perform any "real" sex magic involving casting a circle and invoking god and goddess. Once I bargained with Isis, and in return for the favor she demanded to be present in my body during some "naughty time" with the BF (without him knowing - yes, this is a dark gray area... but he seemed to enjoy it nevertheless ^^ ). Apart from that - everything we do in life raises and flavors energies, and time spent having fun with your loved one (or with yourself) does just the same. Of course you can use this in ritual, but I think that living a loving and enjoyable life is magical enough, without candles and wands. ^^

And the winner of the "31 nights of Halloween" is...

2011-10-23T23:34:00.000-07:00

MAGALY!!!

Congratulations! I'll continue to hunt you down, I need your mailing address!

And thank you to all the others who participated! You can still go and grab a copy of the book on Amazon, either in paper or as an ebook... and I promise, it's a great read!

Graves and spirits

2011-10-23T23:17:00.000-07:00

Many of you have not only thoguht, but also blogged about your ancestors. Somewhere I found a ritual involving the dirt from your ancestors' graves, and it made me sad.

Except for one grandfather, I do not know where my family is buried. This is partly because my family did not get along too well, and partly because we moved so often and so far away from each other that, despite modern technology, it is difficult to keep up with each other.

My Dutch grandparents were cremated. The Netherlands are pretty small and pretty crowded, and I do not think that there are many graveyards, but I couldn't tell you what was done with the ashes.

The grave I miss the most, though, is that of my German grandmother. She was a really tough and kind woman (when my father is mad at me, he says I am just like his mother - well, for me that is a compliment). She raised three children, one of whom was considered pretty ill, and had to keep everything under her thumb because her husband (whom I never met) was a dreamer and an alcoholic. I suspect she pretty much ran the cattle business they had. When my father grew up, they did not speak for many years (both stubborn, just as me), but when I was a kid they got along well and we would visit frequently.

I remember my grandmother as a frail old woman with snow-white hair. She lived with her youngest son and his second wife at that time, and her health was deteriorating fast.

Her son (my uncle) forbid her from contacting any other family members. She was not allowed to leave the house (when she still could, physically) or use the phone. By that time she was old, in pain and almost blind. My father knew nothing of that, having stopped contact after several fights with his brother, but my aunt, the oldest sister, tried to keep an eye on the situation until her brother threatened her and drove her away, too.

When my grandmother died, her son called every family member and asked for money to give her a worthy burial. He had a business, but that did not go well, and we all knew he had financial troubles, so everybody he contacted helped him out.

Following which he had my grandmother buried in an anonymous grave for poor people, paid for by the town, and fled with several thousand bucks he had gotten from the family members who loved my grandmother. As far as I know, he is running a brother somewhere in the north of Germany. His sons won't have anything to do with him, either.

I would have loved my grandmother to be buried next to her husband, whom she loved despite all the troubles they went through. I would have loved to have had a place to visit her. Heck, I don't think I have more than one blurry picture of my grandmother. But at least I know she is still around in spirit, and I try to honor the family tradition of being a tough chick. ^^

Wow, I am that good?

2011-10-23T00:15:00.000-07:00

Obviously I am. First of all, it seems my Dad's girlfriend made peace with our cats - it helps that the kitty (as opposed to the "kater") is determined on being friends with her, sitting under her chair, rubbing herself against her legs, being cute and such. The kater is not as nice - obviously the smell of all the medication the woman has got to take upsets him, and he tried to scratch her when she first came in, but he has been very good after that as well. Lying there and watching her with his "I am bored but watching out!" expression.

Second - we left the bedroom to the older couple (I mentioned it before, right?), and my early bird father (who, when we last visited them, dragged me into the woods for an early morning walk at 6 A.M. on a Sunday) is still sound asleep. It's just past nine, in case you were wondering, and I am drinking the first coffee all by myself. ^^

It amazes me how much I miss family. They are all living far away (250km being the closest, 600km the farthest away), and without a car it is difficult to see them on a regular base. Plus, they are spread all over the north half of Germany and the Netherlands. It's tough to do a "round trip" to see several of them in a short time - well, when visiting my youngest sister, we can take the north route (which is easier to drive anyway) and stop for coffee at my father's house on the way back, and I guess (although I haven't tried it) that it would not be too much of an inconvenience to stop at my witch sister's house after seeing my mother, but
1 - it's always long rides,
2 - I cannot take days off at work for long weekends (so I'd rather have two days at one place than each one plus driving at different places) and
3 - for the BF it is still tough to adjust to my family.
After all, we're pretty strong-headed and stubborn people with a lopsided sense of humor. ("How deep is the Rhine?" - "Not that deep, you could stand everywhere." - "Really?" - "Of course. Well, your head would be below water, but that's not the point.")

Okay, I'll try to get some more reading and coffee before they wake up. ^^

Just checking in

2011-10-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

Today, I am cleaning like a mad lady.

My father and his girlfriend are coming to visit for the weekend.

First of all, the girlfriend's place is *always* clean. It's the kind of flat where you can run around on white socks and they will still be clean at the end of the day. Plus, she does not like cats. Yeah, I know all the phrases: "If people don't like my pets, they can stay away." - "No outfit is perfect without cat hair." "They should come because they like me, cat hair or no cat hair."

But, honestly... I don't mind too much. Of course I hate cleaning (cleaning is the vanilla ice cream of activities - I do like a clean flat, just not enough to order myself some ^^ ), but I do like my family coming over. I especially like my father - he's funny and honest and has been hard-working all his life. Plus he once shot a cow in a bar. That's the kind of Dad I got. And after finally divorcing from my mother he found a sweet girl, whom he loves very much and who is a real sunshine and friendly and caring and very shy and so keen on being liked by everyone. At first she wouldn't say why she was hesitant about coming over. Obviously the people who cared for her during the day when she was a young girl had cats, who would run over the table at lunchtime and eat from the people's dishes and poop everywhere. I can see how that would leave you not liking cats. (She loves dogs, though, hence not a lost case.) My father even called to ask whether the cats would be expecting to sleep in our bedroom (which is where the old folks will be sleeping, since I don't expect anyone beyond sixty to climb onto the bunk bed at night - and no, the cats sleep in the livingroom, hence no problem).

I want her to enjoy coming here. I want them to come and stay for a few more days, and to see the area. She has never been in these parts of Germany before, and she has been missing out. So I am cleaning - the floors are clean, the kitchen is sparkling, the laundry is drying, all that is left is cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming couch and chairs and ironing. Well, I'll also be making chocolate crisp and cookies. I'd also make cake, but the old folks insisted I shouldn't go to too much trouble. No cake. :-( We will go out for late lunch and do some sightseeing tomorrow, then sit and talk, have breakfast together on Sunday, and after a late coffee they will leave around noon.

And then I will collapse and whine a bit and decide never to clean again - or at least until more family drops by. ^^

Culinary fall crafts

2011-10-18T09:08:00.000-07:00

I am not good with crafts. You know that by now. Never have been. The stuff I make usually looks - odd. As if made by an enthusiast without skills. Which is the truth, and I'm okay with that. But I am a reyll good kitchen witch. And I am happiest when a project involves chocolate and looks the way it is supposed to. Like this. I proudly present: Chocolate crisps.

This is one of our favorite chocolates, which you usually buy at around two bucks per 180g. This homemade version is way cheaper. You need: 150g couverture (the kind of chocolate you use for coating cakes and stuff), 50g cornflakes and 10g chopped almonds (or any other kind of nuts). Melt the chocolate, add almonds and cornflakes, spoon tiny heaps on baking paper, let cool (I put them outside), stash away. I basically made them because the BF had tried a new brand of cornflakes (peanut and honey) which he didn't like because of the honey taste. Now, let's see... 150g couverture = 0.75€. 50g cornflakes = 0.10€. 10g almonds = dunno, maybe 0.15€?. You see - tastes better, hardly any work, half the price. You can even add spices such as cinnamon or cardamon, but I prefer them plain. Okay, maybe the tiniest hint of salt... (By the way, the white ones were made with 75g of cornflakes - I had to figure out the exact ratio, and they hold together pretty well. So I'd say it's a matter of taste.) Needless to say, they make pretty gifts.

And since I now had couverture in the house, what should a girl do after cleaning the balcony on a cold and rainy day? Yessss, hot chocolate!

Pour 250ml of milk into a teeny tiny pot. Chop each 25g of whole milk couverture and dark couverture. Add to the milk and stirr while heating.

Serve in a penguin mug and enjoy.

Cleaning and cleansing

2011-10-17T09:26:00.000-07:00

Today I started my cleaning orgy, and of course (considering the happenings of the last few days) the bedroom was first. Both the BF and I have slept terribly, and I have been really jumpy. This is getting into my head, I know... last night I fell asleep reciting an imprompty elemental mantra.

I decluttered everything (even the BF's closet, for which I will have to apologize later... he is very secretive when it comes to his stuff, and I don't usually touch his stuff (or enter his room) without his permission, but this wouldn't have worked otherwise. Hence decluttering, dusting, "garbaging" and vacuuming. Then I grabbed my smoking cauldron (which had been lonely and forgotten for months), some salt to put inside as base for the coal, white sage, dragon's blood powder - and symbols for the elements: An amethyst rock, a small candle, a knife and a glass of water. For the first time I also used a wand in ritual - a piece of wood my niece had given me the last time they were here.

Dragon blood powder is my go-to stuff for painting magical symbols - especially on skin. It's something I started doing intuitively, and it works just fine. I also used it to "seal" window and door by rubbing some into the cracks.

Basically I cast a circle, prayed, smoked the whole room with white sage and meditated on what I want for this room (including, but not limited to, peaceful sleep). When I started praying, a bee came flying through the open window, and stayed all through the ritual. I take it that's a good sign. At the end I burned some mistletoe, which is supposed to help with bad dreams, and later - after letting lots of fresh air inside - put some lavender oil in an oil burner. The room smells witchy, feels clean - and peaceful. I'll let you know how we slept, and the next few days I intend to clean the other rooms as well.

When looking at the clean room later, I noticed how empty it looks. We really need to get some pictures up on the wall.

******** UPDATE ***********

For the records, we slept like babies. ^^

Bam! Crash!

2011-10-16T02:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel as if I was going crazy. And the more mundane people reading here - if there are any - possibly don't have a doubt as to my mental state anyway. So I hesitated about sharing this with you (the probably sane), but then I thought, "What the f***" and decided to post anyway.

Strange things have been going on in our flat.

At first I didn't notice it. I sleep like the dead. The really dead, not the zombie-y people who cannot make up their mind as to whether they are up and running or not. The roof could be on fire right above my head (has happened in the past!) and I'd sleep right through it. However, one morning this week the BF told me how he had woken up in the middle of the night because someone was banging on our door. We live at the top of the house, hence the number of drunk people passing our door on the way is limited - especially considering this is a really quiet neighborhood and all of our neighbors are older, reasonable people. The BF lay awake and considered examining what was up - he was afraid someone might try to break in - but the noise stopped and he went back to sleep, and the next morning there as no sign of any breaking or noise-making at the door.

I didn't think too much about it. Maybe he had heard the cats playing with the chairs and just misplaced the sound?

Then on Friday, while the BF was still out and I was in the kitchen making dinner, I suddenly heard a BAM! CRASH! kind of noise coming from the door/bedroom side of the flat. Of course I thought our cats had done some redecorating, but when I went to look for them, they were at the completely opposite end of the flat, and rather startled themselves, maxbe even scared. I stood in the hallway, listening for more noise, and I was afraid - and right that moment I felt someone grabbing my wrists from behind. Remember, there was no one there but me and the cats. I was terrified for a moment, and then I became angry.

How dare anyone (or anything?) molest me at my own place??!

The sensation disappeared, and soon after the cats were back to their normal, annoying, "We want food now!" evening mindset.

Needless to say when I went to bed later that night I warded the bed, just in case. I had planned a big cleaning session of the complete flat for the first week of my vacation anyway, and I think I will throw in some major cleansing and banishing as well. I don't care who or what that was, or why it is here, unless it cares to communicate in a reasonable manner, I will have nothing to do with it. Doesn't anyone teach those entities how to behave?

"Don't get scared. Get angry."
(Susan Sto Helit)

Fictional witches

2011-10-13T02:50:00.000-07:00

Witches have always sparked the imagination of people. Don't believe me? Do an image search with the term "witch" or "walpurgis" and see what comes up. Paintings, drawings, but also characters inspired by stories or from movies and TV series. There is so much to choose from - the "traditional" evil witch we meet as Snowwhite's stepmother, the more obscure witches and sorcerers and fortune-tellers mentioned in the Bible, good and bad witches in Oz, the Halliwell sisters from "Charmed" (blergh, how I detest that series!). Or look at the documents from the times of the witch hunts, all the things the church people imagined witches could do - the consequences of these imaginations notwithstanding, the reports clearly show that witches were something people had a keen interest in.

In classical literature, there are witches as well - the first that come to mind are from Goethe's Faust, where he describes a Walpurgis celebration. Or Shakespeare.

And then, of course, all the modern witches. Evil witches, good witches, hereditary witches, normal people, people fighting against monsters and demons, you name it.

I think that my favorite witch by far is - you probably guessed it - Esme Weatherwax. I want to be her when I grow up. I even wrote a guest post on her for Pagan Culture. She is very matter-of-fact, none of that "light and love" stuff or fancy crystals. After a life filled with witchcraft and headology, nothing can frighten her. She knows who she is and what she wants to do, and she simply does it.

Another witch I greatly admire - although she really scares me - is the witch queen from the book and movei "Stardust" (written by Neil Gaiman). She shares a palace with her sisters, where they age and witch along, and sets out to find a fallen star, because only the heart of a star will restore their youth and beauty. Of course this is not so great for the star in question ,but ~~I don't like Claire Danes anyway~~ this witch is not afraid of doing what is necessary to get what she wants. She does not care what people think of her and does not crave friendship and approval the way "normal" humans do, which makes her a really cool person and a worthy adversary. Alas, I am too nice to be like her. ^^

So, what is your favorite witch? Who do you want to be when you grow up?

Be careful what you wish for - and whom you ask for it

2011-10-12T00:53:00.000-07:00

Many Pagans do have a strong connection to several Gods and Goddesses. It appears to be not uncommon to mix pantheons to one's heart's desire and to invoke whoever comes to mind.

So, with all these Gods and Goddesses floating around your Spiritual path, have you noticed any difference when it comes to working with them?

In many cases, the way your prayers are answered or the exact mechanics of your spell working out are greatly influenced by your choice of deity. For example, doing a money spell with a trickster god in mind (such as Wodan, for example) may result in you receiving too much change at the grocery store, and you having to choose whether to keep it or tell the cashier. Involving Fortuna, on the other hand, may result in winning something. Support from Ganesha may help you receive a raise or find a better job. And getting involved with the Norns may result in someone dying and leaving you a heritage. Which of these results do you think you could live with?

When performing a spell, the deity you choose to work with reflects your lifestyle just as much as the kind of transportation you use. But we all know that it is not always we who choose our Gods, but sometimes (and more often than we'd think) the Gods choose us. Now, what does that say about our characters, or our fate? And if a deity chooses us, can we still refuse to work with them on moral grounds?

So many questions, and so little coffee to work with...

You wouldn't believe the stuff the voices are telling me!

2011-10-11T06:38:00.000-07:00

No, not that kind of voices. Or well, maybe yes. Anyway.

I never used to be any kind of clairvoyant-y person. I am not a medium, I don't see the future (although I do see me skipping out of the office at the end of the day) and whenever I ask the cards, their reply is, "The outcome is not clear, but do your best." But now I have started getting all kinds of hints. Like looking at someone and knowing that the person is really, really sick, although he or she may appear healthy enough. Another time I unvoluntarily gave away that a friend was pregnant before she had told me, because I just knew. (In case you're reading here, sorry for that!) I will think of a person and know that said person has quit his/her job, or that something has happened or is about to happen.

And THIS FREAKS ME OUT.

Plus, it is always the same with writers - is this a sign of the universe or just my overactive imagination? The "hit-miss balance" has clearly shifted over the last few weeks, and I do not really know what to make of it... should I try to "train" this or just wait, is it transitory or something that will develop as I grow older? And how long until I go *really* insane?

Dear voices, while you're busy messing with my head, you might just as well answer my questions, do you hear me?

(Geez, I think the voices never listen, they only talk. Maybe that is what makes them sound weird.)

Blog prompt: Pagan art

2011-10-09T03:17:00.000-07:00

Pagan blog prompts

This week I have read many interesting blog articles on Pagan artwork. There were beautiful pictures enclosed - photos of Pagan artwork, Pagan photos and drawings, and all of them beautiful and inspiring.

I am not much of a visual person, and I thought I would share some of my favorite "Pagan" art:

Hagalaz Runedance: Hel, Goddess of the Underworld

I do not even know if this project still exists, but I know that I like the music intensely for writing, or on dark fall nights when reading a good book.

Other Pagan art I deeply love - stories and books, of course.

* "The mists of Avalon" (of course - although from what I know it has never been made clear whether Marion Zimmer Bradly actually *was* Pagan, and honestly - I don't care)

* The "Anita Blake" series as well as the "Merry Gentry" series, both written by the officially Pagan Laurell K. Hamilton - truth be told, I liked the first Anita-books best, all the sex just gets in the way of the stories, and the Merry-books would be great without the adult content, only a few hundred pages shorter... but I know that others may not share my opinion on that special topic. ^^

* "Daughter of the forest" by Juliet Marillier - once again, I don't know if the author is Pagan, and I don't really care. It is a beautiful story with lots of Pagan elements.

There are plenty of other books by Pagan authors and Pagan books by authors I don't know enough about, and I think we often do not appreciate enough the ways in which they influence not only Pagan readers, but all readers, because they do have the power to share Pagan views of the world while entertaining people. Many German Pagans I know first encountered earth-based spirituality when reading "The mists of Avalon" (me, too), and how many of us learn from the great wisdom of Pratchett's witches from Discworld?
There is so much wisdom going around masked as literary entertainment, and it is by far my favorite kind of Pagan art - no matter what kind of spiritual flavor the author.

Almost over

2011-10-06T05:51:00.000-07:00

It's a strange habit to measure the amount of life we get in years. Makes not much sense, after all - we do not know how many we have left, or how much of our lives we may have wasted without intending to. And yet... it's October, and two years* will soon be coming to an end.

First of all, I will be turning 29 on November 6. One year away from the supposedly scary 30. Now, there is quite a bunch of stuff I always wanted to have accomplished by 30, and with some things I simply don't see them happening anymore. Maybe it's time to reevaluate what I've got and what I want, and how to get from A to B. For example, I always wanted to have children at 30, or at least have got the first one on its way. And although that would be biologically possible, my job situation as well as the BF's reluctance strongly indicate that this is most likely not going to happen. The book deal, on the other hand... still working on that one, and won't give up.

The other thing... the year 2011 is coming to an end. Yes, I know still almost three months left, but admit it - you too have started thinking about christmas presents, right? Especially those among us who make the gifts ourselves really need to get our act together and start making! Last year I gave away a collection of my favorite recipes, complete with personal notes and room for more notes, to family members and friends, and promised updates - which I should start typing!!! And all the other things I thought I'd get done this year.. some of it may still happen, some definitely won't.

Have you done everything you could to make your plans come true? Are you still working towards your goals? Or has your perspective changed in the meantime?

* I know that many witches consider Samhain to mark the transition from one witchy year to the next, but I am a child of the modern world, where all eyes are turned towards 12/31 when it comes to "Happy New Year!"

Kaffeetafel

2011-10-03T21:56:00.000-07:00

Weird dreams and stuff

2011-10-01T00:32:00.000-07:00

I had the weirdest dream.

Some friends were coming over, but it was a long weekend and for some reason I had forgotten to buy stuff. So I kept racing through my cookbooks looking for *anything* I could whip up with what we had at home while the guests were sitting in the livingroom - not the one of our flat, mind you, but something with huuuuuge windows looking out on the street.

None of the recipes worked. Finally I decided to somehow make a fat-free, egg-free wholewheat raspberry cake, and boy can I say I was feeling sorry for the guests who had to eat it. All the time the kittens (which kittens??) were playing with my sewing stuff (which is funny all on its own, because I hardly ever sew, and the stuff is packed away in one drawer) and climbing up my legs. The BF's brother was there and getting on my nerves and the kitchen was a mess and the guests were waiting for coffee and cake (and if you have never seen a good old-fashioned German "Kaffeetafel" you missed something!) and I was feeling really stressed out.

And suddenly we were in the 19th century, and carriages and horses were flying through the air and landing right in front of the windows on the street, and everything was filled with people dressed up and soldiers looking at us...

I woke up even more exhausted than I had felt going to bed last night, I can tell you.

Fall is here, and I can see and feel it, and my life is getting busier all the time. I still have to find a balance for everything, and most of all I mourn the fact that my witching seems to fall off the hay waggon most of the time. In the morning I write, because writing is best done in the morning for me, before I've had any contact with the real world. Then there is work, and I need some exercise (not just for overall slimming down, but also for my mental health), and then there are the household chores, and in the end the BF wants some attention as well, and every night as I collapse on the sofa the cat drags her string into the middle of the room and starts being cute so one of us will get up and play with her...

Somehow this has to change. I need more time, and less work, and more witchy time. Let's see how that works out *this time*...

WTF, or: Welcome to The Fifties!

2011-09-29T02:31:00.000-07:00

This is nothing witchy, but last night I had such a huuuuge WTF moment I simply had to share.

We were invited to the BF's brother and his wife for dinner. They just moved into a new house. Considering they also do have a kid of 15 months, of course everything is still a huge mess. The wife is staying at home (right now - as soon as the kid is in day care, she plans on finding herself a job once more) and doing all the housework. Which, as long as she is a SAHM, is not a bad thing in itself. As long as both get to relax at the end of the day, I don'T care what kind of arrangement they have got to share the work load.

However, yesterday everything obviously went a bit different from what she had planned, because when we arrived, nothing was done yet. I jumped into the kitchen and helped her prepare dinner. Which was not bad, either. Nothing strange - yet.

Then her husband arrived at home. Refused to take on the whining child because he "had to relax". Sat down at the dinner table (which we had set while the guys were sitting on the sofa talking about technical stuff), happily talking about different Japanese porn movies he likes. And after dinner he berated his wife - in front of the guests (and yes, we are family, but we were also guests) - for not ironing his shirts the way he thinks she should iron them. And she kept smiling and nodding "yes" through all of it.

Except for the porn talk, this could have been straight from a 1950s movie. Kind of made me want to go all Alice Schwarzenegger on him.

And of course, if this is an arrangement that works for the two of them, it is none of my business, but... WTF?

Autumn skin care

2011-09-26T22:01:00.000-07:00

What is it with all those cheap witchy books claiming that witches look beautiful because they know nature's secrets??! I've been a witch for at least twelve years (lost track at some point, hehe), and my skin is as dry and as sensitive as old parchment. In the past I have had my skin tear at the back of my shoulders, simply from mechanical wear. So not funny.

Having said that, I am always keen to try new remedies, and it's even better if they are inexpensive. So, I tried something new. And I have to say, this is the best thing that has happened to my skin so far - despite the heating systems coming to life, trying to dry the last bit of life out of my skin, I feel as soft as a baby before her first diaper rash. Really!

You want to know what I did?

Coffee grounds rub

Not really complicated - basically you clean your skin, wet it and start rubbing it with used coffee grounds. You don't need much, and you bathroom will look as if there had been a mud race going on, but it's totally worth it. First of all, caffeine is good for your skin (helps increase blood flow and reduce cellulitis). Second, the mechanical peeling effect is great. And last but not least, coffee contains oils that will make your skin baby smooth. (That's why you should use the rub after cleaning your skin - wouldn't want to wash all that oily coffee goodness away, right?) Oh, of course it smells delicious as well. ^^ Simply rub away and rinse off with warm water afterwards.

I used this rub after shaving, and it appears to even have prevented the usual nasty razor burns, so... we all knew there is only good stuff coming from coffee, right?

Happy Mabon and - books!!!

2011-09-24T11:18:00.000-07:00

First of all, I hope you all had a beautiful Mabon experience! Around here, fall has been creeping closer and closer, and I enjoy it immensely, but haven't felt like doing a ritual yet. It may be time for one in a few days, or later, or not at all... who knows?

But, I thought I'd give you something different in preparation for fall, inspired by Jon from All Rocks Go To Heaven - my books. Books are perfect for fall and winter, because we spend more time inside, and maybe we finally have the time to catch up on our reading, who knows?

The first two shelves on the left, in my room, are the ones containing the books I will definitely keep .Okay, "definitely"... every now and again I decide that I have read abook so many times that it is time to set it free - there are several book exchange oportunities in our town (for example one whole room standing in the city where you can take your old books and put them on shelves, and take new ones if you find some you like - I always find something!). As you can see, I have got lots of stuff on my shelves other than books.

Shelves three and four contain books I still want to read as well as my witchy collection, some books on languages and borrowed books.

And the fifth shelf is currently being occupied by the BF's books, which I still want to read as well.

And then there are my cook books. Not as many as I would like, but they are pretty expensive. And yes, I use them all, occasionally.

And this is the place where I intend to read my books. Not the best picture, the light and everything, I know, but it's next to my altar, in my room, with my books and my music and my work place. The only problem - the tomcat thinks it is his chair.

Inside and outside

2011-09-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

The BF's brother called. "Hey, let's grab soething at McD*! But I'm just getting home from work and won't have tme to change!"And teh BF was worried, "Hmm, can I go out like this or will I look ridiculous next to someone in an expensive suit?"Honestly, that question wouldn't even have occurred to me. I've had to develop something that at least slightly resembles an office style fashion sense (and I twist and tweak it as much as I can to accommodate my hippie-witchy needs), but apart from that, I do not pay much attention to what people look lke on the outside. The money they spend on clothes or makeup or their hairdo... - who cares? Certainly not me, colleagues can go weeks with a new hairdo (like, black instead of red) before I notice that something is different.Of course I look at people, and I have got an idea as to whom I think attractive and whom I thnk looks weird, but... - yes, I think you can spend five hundred bucks on a suit and still be an asshole, so why bother?(For your information, I am sitting here typing this in my violet and blue pajamas with cows on my boobs. They say, "My heart goes MOOOOH!" And I am wearing paw slippers. Definitely, killer fashion sense. ^^ )

Be careful what you wish for

2011-09-17T01:15:00.000-07:00

I've always been good at wishing with passion. Like last weekend. I had decided to find an agent for my novel and did not really know where to start. Of course, googling all the internet might be a solution. But I am lazy. And I thought, "It would be great if I could find a good place to start." Fifteen minutes later a friend of mine posted a link with sixteen pages(!!) of literary agencies in Germany. Great place to start. All I had to do was pick those who take history and fantasy and start with my favorite (I've compiled a list of ten agencies, and if none of them likes the novel, I can still decide whether to pitch it to the publishers myself or polish (or abandon) the story).

The difficult thing about wishing with passion is that you need to be specific what you wish for, because you might actually get it.

This weekend was supposed to be pretty busy - there's a town festival with French market and concerts going on, the "Bonner Klangwelle" ("sound wave") - basically they project a video and laser show on a wall of water jets and play music - and the monthly flea market is taking place for the second to last time this year. Add some friends who want action, and you've got a pretty busy weekend.

On Thursday I found myself thinking, "If only I could stay at home instead and write."

And guess what? Now I've got the cold, the BF is feeling sick, too, and we're probably cancelling all of the above. Okay, except for the flea market, maybe. If he ever gets up in time. And this, of course, leaves me plenty of time for writing.

You see, wishing with passion is the most basic kind of a spell - no candles, no symbols, no incantations, no fancy crystals, no circle. All you have got is your grip on your witch powers, and the ability to direct it. Easy to see where that could go wrong, right?

Be that as it may, I am sitting here, sipping hot ginger and lemon tea and typing away while the BF is still asleep. I got my writer's weekend. ^^

Magic - it doesn't work that way

2011-09-11T05:24:00.000-07:00

For several years I have been writing my novel, set in Germania about 2,000 years ago. Even more years before that, I had been longing to write this particular story. It is well-known, some of it based on historic fact. It has got warriors, lovers, witches and gods and goddesses - all the things I love in my life. It also has got betrayal, survival, several unnecessary deaths and secrets which will not be revealed.

The story is written. There is still a chunk missing - I did not know what would happen at that particular time until a few weeks ago, and once I discovered it, I began filling everything in. The major part of the manuscript had already been polished, corrected, looked through for historical mistakes, proof-read by friends and, finally, declared the best possible manuscript I can make of it at this moment, without further input.

This project is dear to me, and I want other people to love this story as much as I do. So, what is a good witch to do? Light a candle and wait for people to come ask for my future bestseller?

We all know it is not that easy. I spent the last few days thinking about possible next steps, and decided to find myself a literary agent. Of course I could send the manuscript to publishers myself, but this is a place where I can need all the help I can get, and an agent, I assume, who only gets paid if a publisher picks up my manuscript, once he decides to work with me, will be enthusiastic about finding the best possible place and deal for my story. So, today was "research agents" day. There is a thunderstorm outside, the cats are meowing because they are bored, and on TV the Fellowship of the Rings is on their way to almost certain doom.

I have got a list of agents I want to contact, and will make sure to thoroughly read the instructions of each of them before contacting them with the necessary material. I will decide how to proceed after (hopefully) getting some feedback. And of course I will light a candle for my literary adventure and make a sacrifice.

Magic won't work unless you do.

Sigh.

I just got my first Christian hate mail

2011-09-08T00:33:00.000-07:00

The stupid thing is, I do not remember exactly why I got it. Wait, I will just post it:

My fault pagan, I didn't notice the "Calvinist" perspective comment was still on my blog description. It doesn't seen you noticed either to me though, you should have just pointed that out. It was in very small lettering. Also it's very hard to find that setting in wordpress, and when you are bogged down all the time with all kinds of Hell, like I am, you don't always notice those little things. So, sorry for the insults on that. Why did you put fundamentalist Christianity on your last blog post, this one, and not point out the history of pagans?: Pagans are known for being cold blooded sexually immoral murderers of their own children: https://eternian.wordpress.com/category/ancient-egypt/
In Europe that was severely curtailed by Reformed Christians.And in Asia and India female infanticide continues by the Hindus and those with folk religions. You conveniently, in your bias, overlook these long known facts.

If the evil Catholics hadn't beaten and converted the majority of pagans, that child prostitution, child slavery and female infanticide, and money-hoarding would still be going on.

Also, not all children who are hit by their parents will think it is okay, it depends what else they learn in their lives.

http://eternian.wordpress.com

I remember reading and commenting on something about beating children some time ago, but I am almost sure it was not on a Christian blog - how would I get there in the first place? I mean, I do read a few blogs which are written by Christians, but they usually do not touch the subject of faith, because I am fairly sure that would lead to unpleasant comments from both sides and might cause me an aneurism.

This e-mail confused me. It did not upset me, strange enough, and I also have to admit I find it rather amusing.

My response was as follows:

Good morning, Mr. Knight,

I am sorry but I think you confuse me with someone. I thought very hard about it for approx. 30 seconds, and I do not think I have ever visited your blog, nor would I take the energy to read or comment on a Christian blog - simply because in most cases it would lead to less-than-friendly exchanges of opinions without anyone benefiting from the incident. In my experience, some religions do not get along as well as others, and while I do have a series of Christian as well as Muslim friends who have simply accepted that, although my soul is (in their opinion) damned, I am still a rather pleasant being. ^^

In my opinion, neither Pagans nor Catholics nor, for that matter, Calvinists are evil per se. It usually depends on the person and their ability (or inability) to connect with others. It is easily possible for someone to be a Pagan and yet be someone I do not like, just as I highly value several people who do not share my faith, just for them being decent humans.

And, just for the records - yes, I do have sex, and I have never killed any children.

Kind regards,
Diandra Linnemann

Intentions instead of envy

2011-09-06T02:54:00.000-07:00

Every single time I see someone posting pictures of the ocean online, I feel envy. Which, by the way, is a lot of envy to be felt by one single person. As you may have realized from my last post, I love water. And I have always wanted to live close(r) to the ocean.

The last time I traveled out of the country (ten years ago), it was on school business, and we went to Wales (among other places), and I would spend entire days sitting at the shore enjoying the ocean. There are a few pictures left from that trip, and they make me feel home-sick.

When I visited a friend who studied Early Pedagogy in the North of Germany a few years ago, we went to a small town right behind the levée, and went for a long walk and finally just sat down to watch the waters. I really did not want to go home that day.

Living in a city on one of the large rivers of Germany is nice, I can go and watch the ships and enjoy the smell and the sound, but still... I would gladly trade a right hand (not necessarily my own) to live close to the shore.

You know what?

No more envy.

It is not as if I was chained to this city, or as if it was the only place ever in need of a crazy witch who can speak about half a dozen languages and knows how to type.

I do not know how or when, but I will live near the ocean. I will make it happen.

Water

2011-09-03T15:05:00.000-07:00

The water is cold as my body breaks the surface, and I gasp. The sun is still warm and friendly, but the leaves have already started turning yellow and red and gold, and soon brown will follow.

There are other people all around. Yet as I stretch myself, repeat the moves and slowly make my way towards the deeper parts of the lake, I feel safe, alone, at peace. Water is my favorite element. It is hard enough to break bones, yet overcomes every obstacle by flowing around it. Its touch is healing, at least for me.

There are warmer and cooler currents, and each time there is a shift in temperature I gasp a little, still stretching my body, repeating the moves. The light glinting on the tiny waves blinds me. I close my eyes, still swimming. The ducks are not afraid, but watchful.

The smell is the same that follows heavy summer rain. I turn around, floating on my back for a moment, and watch my friends wading through shallower water beneath the trees. They are happy and small, and completely oblivious to the magic of the lake. Slow strong strokes take me back to them, and the energy runs along my skin, humming softly. I try to remember how lakes are supposed to evolve through the year, and I can't, but it doesn't matter. The lakes remembers.

Harvest time - preparing the balcony herbs for fall

2011-08-29T02:14:00.000-07:00

In my case, that is easy. I have got the brown thumb, hence most of our herbs did not survive summer. :-(

The remaining herbs have been cut and put on the kitchen windowsill.

Do you know how difficult it was to take this picture without showing the mess that is our kitchen? *lol*

That scarecrow is the only thing left from the first potted plant the BF ever gave me. On inspection a few days ago, I saw that the plant had died a sad, dry death. (I told you I have got the brown thumb!)

I also took the occasion (it's only hours past the dark moon) to add some organic fertilizer and watered the plants. And I re-potted some ivy that is living on the shelf in our living room - until the cats start eating that, too.

Be that as it may, our balcony is now pretty empty - except for the drying laundry and the BBQ (which was blown over yesterday and sprayed two baskets of dry laundry with ashes, since the BF usually does not clean it right away *sigh*.) and some candles and the table. The herb shelf looks strange, this empty, and I am trying to determine whether to disassemble it to avoid it being blown over as well.

Anyway, maybe later I will take a trip to the hardware store and see if they have got some more herbs I need - I want lavender for the bedroom, and that basil you see on the left... not much hope for that one, I guess...

Harvest time - how do you want to go?

2011-08-24T02:59:00.001-07:00

Harvest season and the death of famous German comedian Loriot have steered my thoughts in a not-so-August-like direction, and I thought I'd confuse you as well.

How do you want to go? Have you ever considered this question? Would you like to know you are dying, or have it come to you as a surprise? Would you rather die young and healthy than old and sick, and how much sickness would you be willing to tolerate? Would you end your life if everything was too much to bear? Are you prepared for the (hopefully unlikely) case of an accident?

I have got four different models for aging:

My father's mother was rather sick, and she lived with her youngest son, my uncle (who forbade her from contacting anyone other family members). She spent the last years of her life mostly lying on the sofa, blind, without anyone to speak to for most of the time.

My mother's mother was a very active woman who, reluctantly, moved into a senior residence at the age of ninety. A few years later, surrounded by family, she headed into the kitchen to prepare coffee, had a stroke and died.

Her husband, who had Alzheimer's, continued to live for about a year, in deteriorating condition. He did not recognize any of us (except for me, whom he mistook for my mother), joked around with the nurses and had a rather good time, until he developed pneumonia after falling out of his bed and spending the night on the floor, and died after two weeks of sickness.

My mother's mother-in-law (my "grandmother-in-law", so to say ^^ ) is ninety-nine years old, pretty much blind, on her way to being deaf, and moved in with her son (my stepfather) last year after a long fight - she really did not want to give up her own flat, several hundreds of kilometers away from her children or any other relative. Last winter she broke her femur, and now she spends most of her time sitting on the sofa, where she is mostly ignored, although she is mentally fit. But she cannot get out of bed, dress or use the toilet without support. (She also invited the BF and me to celebrate her 100th birthday in December, making big plans. ^^)

When I look at my parents, both seem rather content and healthy, considering their history, and I hope it runs in the family. But if I had a choice, I would prefer to live and die as my mother's mother did - except I would want to die *after* drinking coffee. ^^

Apart from that - I think I really should put a card with contact information for emergencies in my wallet. I've got an organ donor card, though.

Now something completely different - The Birthday Dragon (competition)

2011-08-19T01:17:00.000-07:00

For a chance to win a copy of a great ebook (I've read an excerpt and loved it), head over here!

Just hanging on

2011-08-18T23:12:00.000-07:00

Not sure what is so extremely exhausting at the moment, but all I am doing is try to hang on - to everyday life, to my plans, the people I care about. It is becoming more and more difficult to get out of bed early enough to write before work, and even with only five hours at the office at the moment, I am wiped when I come home and barely find the time to do anything for myself. It's difficult enough not to let the flat turn into one giant hazmat case.

Everything is made even more difficult by the fact that the BF is ill. The cold. You know how that is. I remember, when I had the cold last spring (my voice went from "Pleasant office worker" to "Demonic possession" within 30 seconds, in front of a client - the look she gave me! *rofl*), I was banned from the bedroom because my coughing disturbed the BF's sleep (plus he didn't want to catch my bug, hence no kissing and cuddling), and still had my share of the house work to be done, including cooking if I wanted to eat. Fortunately I cannot stay in bed all day anyway. Well, now that he is sick, he is incredibly clingy. (I refuse to help him with his housework. He is rather egocentric, which is about his worst character trait (one of three, and by far the worst (and one of the other "bad" traits could also be considered a "good" one: He is very helpful and cannot say 'no', which leads to his "friends" exploiting him all the time), and I won't spoil him now if he is not willig to reciproke. Sounds mean, doesn't it.

Dust is settling on my altar. Except for the spots where the cats sit when they try to nibble the herbs I started to dry (horsetail) - on which occasions I usually chase them away by throwing something light at them. I am really grumpy sometimes, you must know. I haven't lit a candle or meditated in weeks, haven't used tarot in months (I do not even have what could be considered "my deck" anymore) and am looking for that well of quiet energy I used to tap into this easily.

Most years, I fall into a kind of "late summer hole" - something to do with the light and some less-pleasant memories... but this year it feels especially tiresome. Well, I guess every year feels like 'This is way worse than all the others', without indicating any serious deterioration of the situation. I'm just really *blah* - I want to get away for a while, enjoy nature and solitude, all by myself. Without phone, without TV or internet.

Sounds crazy, I know. ^^

Well, I'd better stop whining. There are things that need to be done, and I need to put my mind in a "work place". Just 2 more months until my vacation starts... and if nothing else works, I'll curl up in a dark room at my sister's place and switch the mobile off. ^^

Torture - I need ideas!

2011-08-15T13:06:00.000-07:00

Because I am going to find and torture the guy who did THIS to our rental car:

Many German highways, you must know, do not have a speed limit. Nevertheless we were driving with less than 120km/h, close to Bonn already, when some dork overtook us on the left and then decided that he needed to change to the lane on the right - and did a 90° turn. Right in front of our car. Then he disappeared in the darkness. (We were not hurt, only scared.)

We remembered part of his license plate and reported everything to the police. I hope they'll get that dork, so I can tie him to a lamp post with his ears. But first of all I am going to come up with a nice spell to help that dickhead learn his lesson...

Looking forward to fall

2011-08-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

This year we have not had much summer. And you know what? I am looking forward to fall. I love that season - the scents, the colors, the crisp air, ...

Still I refuse to buy fall decoration in August. Although our drugstore had lovely candle holders... maybe next week I'll make an exception, no one must know about it. ^^

There are still a few things I want to do before it is too dark and cold and rainy to drag the BF outside. First of all, I want to drag him hiking at least once more. I found a lovely trail going over three mountains, which ends in a beautiful view from the "Petersberg", which is famous since the hotel on top once served as accommodation for official political visitors. And the BF promised to visit "Schloss Drachenburg" (uhm, "Dragon Castle Manor"?) with me... it's on another mountain, and from the top of the tower you have got a great view of the area, some days as far as Cologne (about 40km, I guess). I might want to make my own kite and take it to the fields. And I want to visit some friends, have a good time, enjoy myself.

Then there are the foods. Most of all, I love pumpkin. And I love making stews. And warm desserts. And hot chocolate. And tea.

And sitting in the rocking chair with a blanket and a good book. ^^

Looking witchy with bling

2011-08-09T21:32:00.000-07:00

Like many witches I know, I kind of like bling. Which no one would guess, since I hardly wear any. And you know why that is? My necklaces have this tendency to make huge knots, like a bunch of orgying snakes.

Not anymore.

See that picture? My not-so-crafty self just put a bunch of nails onto a piece of wood, screwed "hangers" to the top and put it on nails in our bedroom (right over the sorry replacement for a wardrobe). Now I've got all my bling in plain sight and on hand. ^^

Giveaway over at Merlin's Magickal Mistress!

2011-08-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

Head right over, say "hello" from me and enjoy! Judith is having a giveaway to celebrate 111 followers (what a cool number!), and she deserves each and every one of them. She is funny and wise, and one of those people who, although I may not always agree with her, I always enjoy visiting.

Do you believe in God?

2011-08-05T04:45:00.001-07:00

Many pagans I know, when asked by unsuspecting strangers if they believe in "God" (with a capital letter) answer, "no" and go on explaining about how they may have been raised by Christian parents, but it never felt right to them, until they met the Goddess.

But is it true, can we really say we "do not believe" in the Christian (or Muslim) God? Well, I do not know about you, but for me it is slightly different.

I believe in God.

But I do not really like him. Or his club, for that matter.

Although it may be true (for some more than for others) that every God and Goddess there is, in the end, is a manifestation of that one source of divine power from which everything was created and which may be to grand for us to understand, we do not have to like them all. It is of course possible to mix and match your "personal pantheon" to your own heart's desire - it is not only "possible", but it is *necessary*. This, however, is based on the idea that all the manifestations of the divine power are real (or as real as Gods can be... which can be pretty real ^^ ). And how could it be that the Christian God, with all his believing followers and centuries of worship and the miracles documented by churches, is less real than Ostara (who may or may not have been invented by the brothers Grimm) or Kali, destroyer of worlds?

Over the last few moons, I have met several Goddesses (strangely, the Gods do not talk to me... I have complained about that before, I believe), and they were clearly different from each other, and I believe in them just as much as I do in you, my dear readers, and with some I get along better than others, and with some I will work in the future and some I will simply ignore. (I am sure there are also Goddesses out there I will never get along with, but so far we have not run into each other... although, while I was out for a walk collecting material to go into our "protection jar", suddenly Hel pointed out that a certain black beetle might be a good addition to the jar, and I declined because I would rather not kill anything for my magic, if possible, and thus only stones and chili peppers and lemons and wild horse tail (the plant!) have made it into the protection jar... still I was very polite to Hel and thanked her for her advice, and I might in fact store it somewhere for the future, and now I am curious if she will ever stop by me again.)

Sacred space

2011-07-31T02:20:00.000-07:00

As a teenage girl, living with my family (and later, my father), I had my own room in which I could be as witchy as I liked. I had my altar set up, and no one ever said a word about it. Sometimes I would meet with my "witchy sisters", either at their place or at ours, and we would be witchy inside or outside, and it was no big deal. My family was very supportive, even if they did not always understand what it was about.

When I went away for university time, I lived in several dorms. Once again, setting up an altar and being witchy was no big deal, although I missed the opportunity to go out into the woods for celebrations - Bonn is a rather green (and not too big, at about 300,000 inhabitants) city, but the woods were too far away, on most occasions, to plan celebrations out there. Sometimes I would go down to the river, but there were lots of people most of the time, and I did not always feel safe enough to do anything more outside than the tiniest of ritual and a small offering. Still, my co-inhabitants mostly ignored the smell of incense and simply considered me to be strange (something I have lived with all my life).

As my studies came to an end, I left the dorm and moved into the tiniest of flats - about 15m², including a tiny bathroom without windows and an even tinier kitchen corner. It had a great balcony looking onto a sheltered garden, where I slept many nights and which was used for rituals. I turned the whole apartment into my own sacred space´.

For about 18 months now, I have been living with the BF. Our apartment is about six times as large as my last flat (and costs about three times as much), and I have repeatedly told you how it is very close to the forest and the fields. BUT... yes, there is always a "but" coming. The BF, having studied modern Druidry for some time before deciding it is not his path, is understanding of most of my witchy needs. Still I have a hard time making the whole apartment "sacred space". The witchy stuff is confined to my office, with my altar and the candle shelf and just enough place to lie on the floor if necessary. I would love to make the whole flat feel more witchy, but I am not sure how to go about this. I will need the BF's approval, of course, but right now it is simply confusing.

The whole "organize two people with different understanding of spirituality and religion" thing also tends to keep me from going outside just for ritual. I can't do ritual stuff with a not-involved spectator, and when I declare I am going out and the BF cannot come, he tends to be hurt (he loves going for long walks, but walks are just not the same). I remember, last year when I went to meet other witches at the water, I switched my mobile off because he would send the occasional SMS to make sure I was okay, out in the dark all by myself (sometimes he is very clingy, and it drives me NUTS, although I appreciate his concern). Anyway, this kind of everyday spirituality is missing from my life, and it does not feel good. I am looking for ways to improve this area, and looking for suggestions.

Pagan community

2011-07-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have seen articles popping up about different aspects of Pagan communities and groups, and some have complained how Pagans are "apathic" and don't do enough to support their communities. I thought I'd share my views on the topic.

First of all, this is Germany. We do not have that many public Pagans. Really. Paganism and Witchcraft are still frowned upon, and many people claim it's a "teenage passtime", like being emo. So, most Pagans and Witches prefer to stay in the broom closet, some for many, many years, hiding their believes even from their friends and loved ones. For some, this may be a good idea because they work or livei n environments where they might get into trouble for their "funny ways". Others are just afraid things might become complicated. And I think that is okay, no one should be forced to share their set of believes with the world.

Second, from what I have seen there is a strange mechanism to Pagan groups. I am not really sure how it happens, but the few groups I have seen so far appear to be a bunch of "lost souls" who hope that somehow a Pagan community will fix their problems, gathering around a leader who - best case scenario - provides them with a bucket of friendly bullshit and - worst case scenario - feeds off their energy and makes himself (or herself, of course) leader of a small "cult".

A few years ago, when I was still at University, I stumbled upon a freshly formed group of Pagans, and since neither my sister nor my best friend (who are my witch sisters) live close by, I thought I'd see what it's like. After all, I think that communities are a good idea, because they provide chances for public representation, create awareness and may help individuals out if they are in need (spiritual and emotional support, money if need be, ...). So, I went there, and there was this mixed bunch of people, different flavors and stages of Paganism. Two were Northern traditioners, with some years of experience under their belt, and another one was rather new to all of it and did not quite know what she wanted out of it. There were some more, but these three were there in the beginning and still when I left a few months later.

Why did I leave?

Pretty much right away, one of the Northern traditioners started styling himself the leader. He told everybody else "how things work". And we all know that things work differently for different Pagans. There were lively discussions, but in the beginning it was still rather comfortable. We gathered for one or two celebrations, which worked out nice and involved tiny rituals and no magic (but that is okay, since I was the only witch in the group).

Then this "leader" started talking about how we should include "sex magick" in the next ritual, and this felt - wrong. He kept talking about it, brought "erotic stories" he had written to be read at meetings, and I was under the impression he mostly did it to "get some". At first I objected, politely, because I don't share everything with everyone, and definitely not with a group with people who mostly don't know any magic and whom I've met less than six months ago. When my objections were met with, "Oh, you're just a socially oppressed woman, we'll do some rebirthing ritual for you" - I left. Even though I am rather confused most of the time, I know who I am and what I will do, and I don't think I need any "rebirthing", at least not before I die (hopefully from old age).

I have seen this kind of thing happen several times. There are many desparate Pagans out there, looking for support, some coming from socially and emotionally problematic backgrounds, and that is okay - many of my friends belong in this category and have still turned out to be decent people (and Pagans), and one might argue that I was not exactly raised behind the proverbial white picket fence. But in groups, this kind of energy scares me. I myself do not have the potential to be a leader, neither in spiritual nor in everyday projects, and I do not feel as if I could "protect" a group like this if a "cult leader" or other kind of whacko turned up.

When it comes to official Pagan groups, there are hardly any around. I know the PFI, but apart from that...

Now, not everything is bad. First, I've got my witch sisters, who are stubborn and strong and independent, and with whom it is possible to be as witchy as I want without struggles or fights. Second, I am member of a small German online community which is really healthy, with all kinds of people who disagree on stuff, yet do show very good discussion behavior and with whom it is easy to disagree in a friendly way. I have been part of this community for many years, and with all the changes and people leaving and new ones dropping by (some to stay), I still like it. There have been several meetings, and I was at one some time ago and really enjoyed it. Back tehn I opted out of the ritual because I did not feel comfortable with the idea, and it was okay for everyone. The next time, I think I might join - but since many of the people have gone on to being parents, it might be increasingly difficult to organize a meeting. Maybe I'll have to look into it myself, I'd love to see them again in person.

I am still looking for fellow Pagans in my area, but unless the Christians I know, I do not feel the need to be friends with someone just because we share (parts of our) faith. I dream of a strong Pagan community in real life, not necessarily big, but strong enough to support people while they grow into themselves.

That might take some more work and time, though.

I'm an old-fashioned witch

2011-07-18T03:17:00.000-07:00

"Snail mail is just like e-mail. Except that it uses more natural resources, takes longer, costs more and sometimes gets lost." (Diandra - yes, I am quoting myself. I am so right on this one.)

And still...

Don't you just hate it when you open your mail box and everything you find in there is business or advertisement? Bills, bills, bills, flyers, more bills, forms to be filled out...

If you want to change this, why not look for penpals? Over at Aradia's Cauldron a brand-new project has started, trying to connect Pagans who do not mind writing letters by hand. All you have got to do is fill out a short questionnaire and browse the comments. I'm in.

What tarot card are you?

2011-07-10T05:05:00.000-07:00

You are Justice

Equity, rightness, probity, executive; triumph of the observing side in law.

Justice is about cold, objective balance through reason or natural force. You can't keep smoking and drinking without consequences to your health. It is the card that advises cutting out waste and insists that you make adjustments, do whatever is necessary to bring things back into balance, physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually. It is a card of balance and harmony; if there is imbalance, the correction may
require recourse to the law.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Everynight magic

2011-07-08T03:19:00.000-07:00

Since we're pretty busy (and, as usual, broke) at the moment, our couple nights have somehow disappeared from the weekly schedule. Whereas we used to make efforts to go to the cinema or a restaurant or do something fun together once a week as a couple, we've fallen into the habit of watching one or two episodes of 2The Big Bang Theory" (which I love!) and call that sorry evening "date night" (which I don't).

Last night after we had completed our second attempt at repairing the dishwasher, the BF suggested we could go out for a walk. And although I knew he was going to bring his camera (which drives me crazy when I am tired because he takes his time to make dozens or even hundreds of pictures (and he is a photographer the way I am a writer, so I understand the need, but still...)), I thought it an improvement.

We headed for the fields just as the sin was sinking behind the mountains, wedged between the dark green forest and a dark gray layer of clouds, and the landscape appeared to be burning, drowning in light. A bird of prey was circling in the air and the wind moved its fingers through the fields.

The BF took his time taking pictures as long as the light would allow. I took my time enjoying the scents, the air, the growing darkness.

We turned left, walking the narrow path between forest and fields while the sky turned dove-gray, then lead, then darker blue. Something was rustling in last year's dry leaves. It smelled faintly of rain. A bird called.

Finding our path through the forest turned out to be difficult, but we are slowly becoming more familiar with our tiny corner of the world, and we made it back up the hill between oaks and spruce and tangled blackberry veins. The forest, which had appeared to go to sleep as the sun disappeared, re-awakened with a different kind of life. Tiny dark spots, which hopped over our path, turned out to be tiny frogs, and we carefully meandered around them. Where the uphill path meets the main path, there is an old oak, which stood still under the dark sky.

There were no stars.

But as we neared the street once more, which would take us home in a straight line, a kind of sparkle caught my eye.

Fireflies. Dozens upon dozens, weaving through the underbrush, sending out signals in search of a mate. If you looked straight at them, they disappeared, but if you simply gazed at the darkness without focus, the blackness was filled with tiny lights. A larger frog crossed our path, and then we were back among humans. The moon drifted in the sky among downy clouds, and soon we arrived back home, noticing the light of the solar-powered resin hummingbird, which watches over our balcony, from the street.

If you want to know what we did this summer...

2011-07-04T21:53:00.000-07:00

... we went to visit the Planet of Transsexual Transylvania!!!

From the left: A.'s mother as Magenta, A.'s brother as Riff Raff, (in the front) A. herself, to whom I'm very grateful for organizing the event, a Frank N. Furter we met there, the BF as Brad and me posing as Janet.

I know my readers are geniuses and have the best memory...

2011-07-04T10:29:00.000-07:00

... so I am asking you guys.

An eternity ago, I saw something on the internet. Since I doubt my telepathic abilities are strong enough to work over the internet, I will have to resort to describing the thing I am looking for, and I hope that either one of you made these fantastic things, or that one of you knows (someone who knows) who made them, and can point me in the right direction.

Basically, what I am looking for are travel altars made from cloth. A quick search on the internet did not result in the ones I remember, which were flat, embroidered and held different versions of the most basic tools. If I am correct (which is debatable, considering my terrible memory), there was a page where they were sold...

Any of you know what I mean? Or did my telepathy interfer with my description and confuse you? Either way, I'll consider it a success. ^^

(No, please, do you know what I am talking about?)

More technology and a "Super Blog Award"

2011-07-04T01:01:00.000-07:00

We placated the technology gnome (with nuts, raisins and chocolate) and successfully repaired the dishwasher! I'm still surprised at that... seems it's not rocket science after all. (Drat. I was hoping I could fly to the moon with that thing.)

*************************************************************************

Liath over at the German blog "Wege der Magie" ("Ways of Magic") rewarded me with this cute award - Thank you!

Here are the rules:
* Tape it up on your blog somewhere.
* Pass it along to 5 fellow super bloggers, and comment on their blog to let them know how lucky they are today!

* When you present your Super Blogger awards, link back to the super blogger who gave it to you.

My five "Super Blogs" of the week - all honest bloggers who write about life as it is, and are clever and funny and serious:
All Rocks Go To Heaven
Bex's Hexes
Dreaming Of Rosemary
Lost In The Trailer Park
Riding On A Broomstick

The little technology gnome would like to be picked up by his parents, please!!!

2011-07-01T13:32:00.000-07:00

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!

Over the last few days, our dish washer has deserted us. Twice. The first time it made funny puddles on the kitchen floor, and now it won't do anything besides buzz. The oven has started to heat irregularly (hotter in some spots, almost cold in others) and the laundry machine is making really scary sounds. As is the freezer. I'd love to grab a cold drink, but I am afraid to come too close to the fridge. Oh, and the projector just switched itself off.

I think we may need a technology gnome upgrade... *sigh*

Talking of which...

2011-06-28T00:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got an e-mail confirming that another of my stories had been accepted for publication. I don't get paid, and there are no contributors' copies. (I get a discount, though.)

This is one step closer to my goal of being a published author. And it makes me realize I need to be more specific with my wishes. For me, it is not enough to be able to say things like, "Some of my short stories are in several books." I want to be able to say, "I am an author, this is my day job." Every published story is just one step in this direction - it means that someone somewhere deemed my stories worthy of publication, and it is something to put on my resume. But on the other hand, there is the danger of getting caught up with all these self-marketing actions that I don't have the time for real writing anymore.

This week is incredibly busy with deadlines - I barely met one, got to post another (in paper) today to meet the next, and then there will be two more calls for submission I want to answer to, but I'm still stuck with the story for the first one (mainly because I spent my writing hour in the morning doing paperwork for other calls for submission - this is one thing I like less about writing as a job, but no job is 100% perfect, I guess, and I am a lucky girl to have to do this stuff, right?). Nevertheless... I still want to finish my novel and send it out to publishes by the end of summer - that's two months away from now, in my books. And I know I'll have to write about 100 pages to fill the gap. Plus, I'll be at a seminar for the job from tomorrow through Friday - more time spent commuting, more time spent learning something, less time for everything else.

If you've got a dream, you've got to work for it. And sometimes you have got to stop and think again, and determine whether your dream is what you really want, and if the expected result is actually worth all the extra work.

I think I'll continue writing during lunch break, to be done with everything by the end of the week. And maybe I can throw a time-expanding spell in there somewhere?

Plans and what we do for them

2011-06-23T01:43:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have been reevaluating my plans for life:

1. At the age of five, I wanted to have my own horse and my own Porsche when I was "grown-up" (which, for me, meant being twelve).

2. Later on, I wanted to be a SAHM of two girls, with the traditional white picket fence and a huge dog (by the time of twenty).

As you probably know, I don't have any of the things mentioned above. And that is not even really bad. (Except for the dog.) I chose to go to university and got my degree. There was no relationship at any time which might have led to early kids and stuff (I'm a late bloomer). And since no one dropped a horse or an expensive car on me - wait, that would have hurt, I guessed. Just as the huge bag of money needed to buy that kind of stuff.

Well, here I am. Two cats, one BF, a not-all-that-bad day job as a translator, a messy flat. At the age of twenty-eight. I am not old, and most days I do not even feel like a grown-up. But I have thought about the plans I still have, and about what I can do to make them come true in time.

Basically my plan is to become a successfull full-time author, and maybe (this is the really crazy part) even become rich in the process, or at least wealthy (the average German author makes about 10K per year). I don't care much about money, but I think it would make many things simpler. And no, you don't have to tell me how slim the chances are of this happening.

Nevertheless, I am working for that. I am polishing and completing my first novel, preparing for my second, trying to learn the tricks of the trade. I am writing short stories for anthologies. I am looking for ways to improve my writing, story- and language-wise.

Does that guarantee that I will succeed?

No.

But I would hate myself if I didn't even try.

Now tell me, what are your dreams and what are you doing to make them come true?

I dream of summer

2011-06-21T04:06:00.001-07:00

(Picture taken by the BF)

I dream of summer. Perfect sunny days, not too warm, with mild showers at night or in the early morning hours to nourish the plants. Fragrant flowers, dark green grass. Crickets singing under the balcony.

I dream of endless nights spent in silence under the trees. Of adventures and stories, pick-nicks and walks in the forest. I dream of the smell of rain, nights spent under the stars and the lingering scent of sunshine on bare skin.

Merry summer solstice, everybody!!!

Cheating on 30dbc and stuff

2011-06-16T21:51:00.000-07:00

I'm an overachiever, so I thought I'd do the 30 Day Book Challenge in just 19 days. ^^

Day 1: Favorite book: "American Gods" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 2: Least favorite book: "Pride and Prejudice" (Jane Austen)
Day 3: Book that makes you laugh out loud: "Witches Abroad" (Terry Pratchett)
Day 4: Book that makes you cry: "The Time Traveler's Wife" (Audrey Niffenegger)
Day 5: Book you wish you could live in: "Stardust" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 6: Favorite young adult book: "Inkheart" (Cornelia Funke)
Day 7: Book that you can quote/recite: ###
Day 8: Book that scares you: [insert ghost story collection title here]
Day 9: Book that makes you sick: "Push" (Sapphire)
Day 10: Book that changed your life: "The mists of Avalon" (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
Day 11: Book from your favorite author: "Good omens" (Pratchett/Gaiman)
Day 12: Book that is most like your life: *???*
Day 13: Book whose main character is most like you: *???*
Day 14: Book whose main character you want to marry: "Water music" (T.C. Boyle)
Day 15: First “chapter book” you can remember reading as a child: Pop-up "Little Red Riding Hood"
Day 16: Longest book you’ve read: "The Count of Monte Christo" (Alexandre Dumas)
Day 17: Shortest book you’ve read: ???
Day 18: Book you’re most embarrassed to say you like: None.

Day 19: Book that turned you on
"A kiss of shadows" by Laurell K. Hamilton. (^v^) (I am one of those "sick" people who'd love to hear more from Sholto.)

Day 20: Book you’ve read the most number of times
It's a toss-up between "Obsidian butterfly" by Laurell K. Hamilton, "American Gods" and "The Hound of Baskerville" by Sherlock Holmes.

Day 21: Favorite picture book from childhood
Wouldn't know. Currently, my favorite picture book is "The Gruffalow".

Day 22: Book you plan to read next
"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies", so I can give it back to the friend who lent it to me.

Day 23: Book you tell people you’ve read, but haven’t (or haven’t actually finished)
Why should I do that???

Day 24: Book that contains your favorite scene
The beginning of "The Graveyard Book" (Neil Gaiman) is pretty cool. When do you get to see a murderer with a knife on the first pages of a book meant for children?

Day 25: Favorite book you read in school
"The Caucasian Chalk Circle" by Berthold Brecht. Actually, everything I have read by Brecht is pretty cool.

Day 26: Favorite nonfiction book
"A short history of nearly everything" by Bill Bryson.

Day 27: Favorite fiction book
"American Gods" by Neil Gaiman - yes, I *am* that boring.

Day 28: Last book you read
"The shadow of the wind" by Carlos Ruis Zafón. If you haven't, go grab and read it. Now.

Day 29: Book you’re currently reading
Hmm... right now I am kind of inbetween books. I really should start reading "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". *sigh* I'll let you know what I thought about it.

Day 30: Favorite coffee table book
"Who killed Amanda Palmer". In case you don't know, Amanda Palmer is a pretty cool musician who started taking pictures of herself as a corpse, and this book contains some of them, plus stories to go with the pictures.

And now on to some stuff. ^^

I try to make it a habit to go for a run at least three times per week. And I usually use the same route through "our" forest. And I have noted how along this path someone keeps tying ribbons to the branches. Isn't this kind of cool? (I like the idea of not being the only witchy one around here.) Now there is even something resembling a tiny broom hanging from one of the trees. I would like to know who does this...

30dbc day 17&18 and some moon time

2011-06-16T01:15:00.000-07:00

Day 1: Favorite book: "American Gods" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 2: Least favorite book: "Pride and Prejudice" (Jane Austen)
Day 3: Book that makes you laugh out loud: "Witches Abroad" (Terry Pratchett)
Day 4: Book that makes you cry: "The Time Traveler's Wife" (Audrey Niffenegger)
Day 5: Book you wish you could live in: "Stardust" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 6: Favorite young adult book: "Inkheart" (Cornelia Funke)
Day 7: Book that you can quote/recite: ###
Day 8: Book that scares you: [insert ghost story collection title here]
Day 9: Book that makes you sick: "Push" (Sapphire)
Day 10: Book that changed your life: "The mists of Avalon" (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
Day 11: Book from your favorite author: "Good omens" (Pratchett/Gaiman)
Day 12: Book that is most like your life: *???*
Day 13: Book whose main character is most like you: *???*
Day 14: Book whose main character you want to marry: "Water music" (T.C. Boyle)
Day 15: First “chapter book” you can remember reading as a child: Pop-up "Little Red Riding Hood"
Day 16: Longest book you’ve read: "The Count of Monte Christo" (Alexandre Dumas)

Day 17: Shortest book you’ve read
Honestly? I don't remember... several kids' books, possibly, and one or two novellas we read at school might be reasonable candidates, but...

Day 18: Book you’re most embarrassed to say you like
I'm not embarrassed of my trashy taste. ^^

Day 19: Book that turned you on
Day 20: Book you’ve read the most number of times
Day 21: Favorite picture book from childhood
Day 22: Book you plan to read next
Day 23: Book you tell people you’ve read, but haven’t (or haven’t actually finished)
Day 24: Book that contains your favorite scene
Day 25: Favorite book you read in school
Day 26: Favorite nonfiction book
Day 27: Favorite fiction book
Day 28: Last book you read
Day 29: Book you’re currently reading
Day 30: Favorite coffee table book

Now... you thought I had given up, right? Nope, I plain forgot. Yesterday I was pretty busy - work (as usual), catching up with housework, posting a gift for a good friend, meeting another good friend for some sewing and drinking and cooking and eating and watching Disney cartoons.

Do you remember how I started posting about my esbats last fall? And somehow never got around to go through with it?

Lately, I have realized how, every time the esbats roll around, I am really busy - most often meeting friends. Some might say I am not putting enough effort into devoting those nights to my spirituality, but I believe this is simply a good way of celebrating life for me, at the moment... instead of locking myself away from everything that goes on on those nights to celebrate nature, I'd rather spend at least some of them in good company, enjoying what nature and life have got to offer. I'm not cut out for the "spirituality only" part of being a witch.

I mean, who in their right mind would say no to being merry?

I'm back!!! - and more 30dbc

2011-06-14T03:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am back! We had lots of fun - there was not much going on at the exhibition, but the feedback we got from our 15-20 visitors was really positive, and my sister even sold something (a postcard). Sunday night we decided to close the exhibition early. We headed to the "Pagan Village", which is basically a Medieval Market with lots of goodies and music, which my niece loved to dance to (have I mentioned that she is four and damn cute - even when throwing her tantrums?). On Monday, instead of reopening the place, we went for a bike ride and, afterwards, canoeing, and then it was time to return home. I am refreshed, relaxed and incredibly tired.

Day 1: Favorite book: "American Gods" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 2: Least favorite book: "Pride and Prejudice" (Jane Austen)
Day 3: Book that makes you laugh out loud: "Witches Abroad" (Terry Pratchett)
Day 4: Book that makes you cry: "The Time Traveler's Wife" (Audrey Niffenegger)
Day 5: Book you wish you could live in: "Stardust" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 6: Favorite young adult book: "Inkheart" (Cornelia Funke)
Day 7: Book that you can quote/recite: ###
Day 8: Book that scares you: [insert ghost story collection title here]
Day 9: Book that makes you sick: "Push" (Sapphire)
Day 10: Book that changed your life: "The mists of Avalon" (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
Day 11: Book from your favorite author: "Good omens" (Pratchett/Gaiman)
Day 12: Book that is most like your life: *???*
Day 13: Book whose main character is most like you: *???*
Day 14: Book whose main character you want to marry: "Water music" (T.C. Boyle)
Day 15: First “chapter book” you can remember reading as a child: Pop-up "Little Red Riding Hood"

Day 16: Longest book you’ve read

"The Count of Monte Christo" by Alexandre Dumas. (I could have said "The Bible", but that is several books, if we're honest. ^^)

Day 17: Shortest book you’ve read
Day 18: Book you’re most embarrassed to say you like
Day 19: Book that turned you on
Day 20: Book you’ve read the most number of times
Day 21: Favorite picture book from childhood
Day 22: Book you plan to read next
Day 23: Book you tell people you’ve read, but haven’t (or haven’t actually finished)
Day 24: Book that contains your favorite scene
Day 25: Favorite book you read in school
Day 26: Favorite nonfiction book
Day 27: Favorite fiction book
Day 28: Last book you read
Day 29: Book you’re currently reading
Day 30: Favorite coffee table book

30 day book challenge day 11-15

2011-06-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

I'm cheating a little on this once, since I will be out of town for a few days and don't know if I'll have the time to post. My sister is holding a photo exhibition, and she asked me to assist her and also read some of my stories. All of this next weekend in Leipzig, while the WGT ("Wave & Gothic Treffen") takes place - the largest wave&gothic event in Europe. We have hardly anything planned, and it will most likely be something small, but I'm still looking forward to it! I've got some stories selected which I will print later and go through on my six-hour train ride, and I ordered some postcards with my own microfiction on them as "merchandise". My sister will show and sell some of her pictures, and she is also offering photo sessions. I still have to pack my stuff tonight and find out what I am going to wear... help!!

And now, enjoy the next few entries of our 30 day book challenge...

Day 1: Favorite book: "American Gods" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 2: Least favorite book: "Pride and Prejudice" (Jane Austen)
Day 3: Book that makes you laugh out loud: "Witches Abroad" (Terry Pratchett)
Day 4: Book that makes you cry: "The Time Traveler's Wife" (Audrey Niffenegger)
Day 5: Book you wish you could live in: "Stardust" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 6: Favorite young adult book: "Inkheart" (Cornelia Funke)
Day 7: Book that you can quote/recite: ###
Day 8: Book that scares you: [insert ghost story collection title here]
Day 9: Book that makes you sick: "Push" (Sapphire)
Day 10: Book that changed your life: "The mists of Avalon" (Marion Zimmer Bradley)

Day 11: Book from your favorite author

There is one book by even two of my favorite authors, and it's called "Good omens" (Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman). It's a hilarious story about the end of the world including witches, demons, the riders of the apocalypse and a cute dog.

Day 12: Book that is most like your life

Geez, I don't know... you need to help me out on this one. Is there any book about a woman doing all kinds of boring things while being a translator, an author and a witch at the same time? *g*

Day 13: Book whose main character is most like you

Once again, no idea. We need a heroine who thinks too much and makes inappropriate jokes most of the time. And is socially awkward.

Day 14: Book whose main character you want to marry

Well, at least it's one ofthe main characters... Ned Rise from "Water Music" by T.C. Boyle. He's street-smart and can take care of himself. Plus, he's always in trouble - something I am fatally attracted to.

Day 15: First “chapter book” you can remember reading as a child

We had a kind of "pop-up" book about Little Red Riding Hood, which I really loved.

Day 16: Longest book you’ve read
Day 17: Shortest book you’ve read
Day 18: Book you’re most embarrassed to say you like
Day 19: Book that turned you on
Day 20: Book you’ve read the most number of times
Day 21: Favorite picture book from childhood
Day 22: Book you plan to read next
Day 23: Book you tell people you’ve read, but haven’t (or haven’t actually finished)
Day 24: Book that contains your favorite scene
Day 25: Favorite book you read in school
Day 26: Favorite nonfiction book
Day 27: Favorite fiction book
Day 28: Last book you read
Day 29: Book you’re currently reading
Day 30: Favorite coffee table book

30dbc day 10

2011-06-08T04:04:00.000-07:00

A rant on tolerance and 30dbc

2011-06-07T01:27:00.000-07:00

Geez, who would have thought? A simple statement from a Muslim friend over at FB concerning her decision to wear a head scarf once more led to a series of intolerant, hateful and condescending comments on

a) how Germans bully Muslims
b) how Muslims hate every other religion
c) how Muslim women who do not want to wear the head scarf should man up and "just do it"

and all other kinds of crap. And of course I couldn't keep my mouth shut and got myself involved in the discussion.

Head scarves aside, why is it so difficult for people to accept that everyone(!!!) should have the right to choose and express their beliefs, as long as they do no harm?

Example: When working for German government agencies, you are not allowed to wear a head scarf. One of the women complained about this fact and claimed "German intolerance". She dismissed my statement that I would most likely not be allowed to wear a pentagram and walk about without covering my hair when working for a government agency in a Muslim state, claiming that my pentagram was "just jewellery", whereas her head scarf expresses her belief.

She went on belittling nuns, who also wear a veil and then "stay in their convent for the rest of their lives", whereas Muslim women would at least do something for society. Now, nuns may work in social service, they may teach. Plus, their veil expresses their belief, just as the Muslim head scarf. I don't see how one of them would be "better" or "worse" than the other.

I actually do support a Muslim woman's right to wear a head scarf if she chooses to, but I also support a woman's right *not* to wear it if she does not deem it necessary for her personal spiritual path. And of course I feel that I should have the right to wear whatever jewellery or symbol I feel represents my faith. Of course the "book religions" all claim that they are the "one true religion", but why is it so difficult to at least show some courtesy towards the others, if not for their "spiritual value", then at least based on humanistic values?

Enough of a rant, here is one more 30dbc entry. ^^

Day 1: Favorite book: "American Gods" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 2: Least favorite book: "Pride and Prejudice" (Jane Austen)
Day 3: Book that makes you laugh out loud: "Witches Abroad" (Terry Pratchett)
Day 4: Book that makes you cry: "The Time Traveler's Wife" (Audrey Niffenegger)
Day 5: Book you wish you could live in: "Stardust" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 6: Favorite young adult book: "Inkheart" (Cornelia Funke)
Day 7: Book that you can quote/recite: ###
Day 8: Book that scares you: [insert ghost story collection title here]

Day 9: Book that makes you sick

"Push" by Sapphire. Have you read it? Then I don't have to go into details.

Day 10: Book that changed your life
Day 11: Book from your favorite author
Day 12: Book that is most like your life
Day 13: Book whose main character is most like you
Day 14: Book whose main character you want to marry
Day 15: First “chapter book” you can remember reading as a child
Day 16: Longest book you’ve read
Day 17: Shortest book you’ve read
Day 18: Book you’re most embarrassed to say you like
Day 19: Book that turned you on
Day 20: Book you’ve read the most number of times
Day 21: Favorite picture book from childhood
Day 22: Book you plan to read next
Day 23: Book you tell people you’ve read, but haven’t (or haven’t actually finished)
Day 24: Book that contains your favorite scene
Day 25: Favorite book you read in school
Day 26: Favorite nonfiction book
Day 27: Favorite fiction book
Day 28: Last book you read
Day 29: Book you’re currently reading
Day 30: Favorite coffee table book

30dbc day 8

2011-06-06T05:22:00.000-07:00

Share your favorite books!

Day 1: Favorite book: "American Gods" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 2: Least favorite book: "Pride and Prejudice" (Jane Austen)
Day 3: Book that makes you laugh out loud: "Witches Abroad" (Terry Pratchett)
Day 4: Book that makes you cry: "The Time Traveler's Wife" (Audrey Niffenegger)
Day 5: Book you wish you could live in: "Stardust" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 6: Favorite young adult book: "Inkheart" (Cornelia Funke)
Day 7: Book that you can quote/recite: ###

Day 8: Book that scares you:

As a kid, I had a collection of ghost stories (which I lost, somehow, and don't know the title or publisher anymore), and the very first ghost story was something about a person who was being hunted by an Egypt demon talking to a blind man. And the only thing the reader ever learned about the demon was the sound its claws made on the floor.
I finished reading it late at night, got up to go to the bathroom - and was almost scared to death when our large black dog came down the hallway, with its claws clicking on the tile floor. (^v^)
That is the only book I remember scaring me. Have been searching for it for ages, without success so far...

Day 9: Book that makes you sick
Day 10: Book that changed your life
Day 11: Book from your favorite author
Day 12: Book that is most like your life
Day 13: Book whose main character is most like you
Day 14: Book whose main character you want to marry
Day 15: First “chapter book” you can remember reading as a child
Day 16: Longest book you’ve read
Day 17: Shortest book you’ve read
Day 18: Book you’re most embarrassed to say you like
Day 19: Book that turned you on
Day 20: Book you’ve read the most number of times
Day 21: Favorite picture book from childhood
Day 22: Book you plan to read next
Day 23: Book you tell people you’ve read, but haven’t (or haven’t actually finished)
Day 24: Book that contains your favorite scene
Day 25: Favorite book you read in school
Day 26: Favorite nonfiction book
Day 27: Favorite fiction book
Day 28: Last book you read
Day 29: Book you’re currently reading
Day 30: Favorite coffee table book

Sleepy Sunday and 30 day book challenge day 7

2011-06-05T05:35:00.000-07:00

It's a really sleepy Sunday. Greebo is dreaming curled up on a chair under the dining table. Ronja is dozing on my giant purse in the rocking chair. The BF is sleeping stretched out on the sofa. And me? Sitting in front of the computer, watching "Dexter" and listening to the thunder rolling around the hills. I'd sleep, too, but if I go to bed now, I will never be tired tonight, don't sleep enough and be cranky all of next week. I may or may not go for a walk later, if the weather clears up a little, or I may grab a book and put a mattress out on the balcony.

My altar underwent some changes, but isn't ready yet. There may be pictures in the future.

Time for more coffee... and 30DBC:

Share your favorite books!

Day 1: Favorite book: "American Gods" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 2: Least favorite book: "Pride and Prejudice" (Jane Austen)
Day 3: Book that makes you laugh out loud: "Witches Abroad" (Terry Pratchett)
Day 4: Book that makes you cry: "The Time Traveler's Wife" (Audrey Niffenegger)
Day 5: Book you wish you could live in: "Stardust" (Neil Gaiman)
Day 6: Favorite young adult book: "Inkheart" (Cornelia Funke)

Day 7: Book that you can quote/recite

Sorry, folks, my memory is really, REALLY bad. I even forget my own stories (which is great when it comes to edits - put it aside for a few days, and when I read it it's like something totally new written by someone else).

Day 8: Book that scares you
Day 9: Book that makes you sick
Day 10: Book that changed your life
Day 11: Book from your favorite author
Day 12: Book that is most like your life
Day 13: Book whose main character is most like you
Day 14: Book whose main character you want to marry
Day 15: First “chapter book” you can remember reading as a child
Day 16: Longest book you’ve read
Day 17: Shortest book you’ve read
Day 18: Book you’re most embarrassed to say you like
Day 19: Book that turned you on
Day 20: Book you’ve read the most number of times
Day 21: Favorite picture book from childhood
Day 22: Book you plan to read next
Day 23: Book you tell people you’ve read, but haven’t (or haven’t actually finished)
Day 24: Book that contains your favorite scene
Day 25: Favorite book you read in school
Day 26: Favorite nonfiction book
Day 27: Favorite fiction book
Day 28: Last book you read
Day 29: Book you’re currently reading
Day 30: Favorite coffee table book

The inner bitch found a new target

2011-06-03T23:12:00.000-07:00

*edit*

As usual, some talking has cleaned up the situation, and I thought I'd better delte this morning's ramble here, least I should be tempted, at some point in the future, to dig for old grudges to dust off.
Oh, and eveyone reading here should totally buy "The Birthday Dragon" by Sheila AKA Polo Shawcross - not only, but also because she said I am fabulous. ^^

*/edit*

30 day book challenge - day 6

2011-06-03T22:53:00.000-07:00

Share your favorite books!

Day 1: Favorite book: "American Gods"
Day 2: Least favorite book: "Pride and Prejudice"
Day 3: Book that makes you laugh out loud: "Witches Abroad"
Day 4: Book that makes you cry: "The Time Traveler's Wife"
Day 5: Book you wish you could live in: "Stardust"

Day 6: Favorite young adult book

Well, I don't read that much young adult literature... but I really liked "Inkheart" by Cornelia Funke, which I guess falls into that category. It has got villains, books, stories, ... - everything I would wish my own kids to love in books.

Day 7: Book that you can quote/recite
Day 8: Book that scares you
Day 9: Book that makes you sick
Day 10: Book that changed your life
Day 11: Book from your favorite author
Day 12: Book that is most like your life
Day 13: Book whose main character is most like you
Day 14: Book whose main character you want to marry
Day 15: First “chapter book” you can remember reading as a child
Day 16: Longest book you’ve read
Day 17: Shortest book you’ve read
Day 18: Book you’re most embarrassed to say you like
Day 19: Book that turned you on
Day 20: Book you’ve read the most number of times
Day 21: Favorite picture book from childhood
Day 22: Book you plan to read next
Day 23: Book you tell people you’ve read, but haven’t (or haven’t actually finished)
Day 24: Book that contains your favorite scene
Day 25: Favorite book you read in school
Day 26: Favorite nonfiction book
Day 27: Favorite fiction book
Day 28: Last book you read
Day 29: Book you’re currently reading
Day 30: Favorite coffee table book

The inner bitch

2011-06-03T11:22:00.000-07:00

Whoa, what a crap day.

Don't know the exact reason - maybe I was under the weather, or went to work wearing the wrong shoes... anyway, after lunch I snapped at the BF without real reason and acted like a real bitch.

Now, I try not to be mean on purpose. And as soon as I realized what my "inner bitch" had done, I apologized. The BF gracefully accepted, he knows I can be weird every now and again. (Can you believe she took over the computer??!)

Maybe I should feed her a cookie now and again, to avoid her getting cranky.